


The Wal-Mart Experience

by Ceileice



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Albertsons, Angry Birds, Bible Reading, Bike, Blimp, Chainsawing, Dead Creatures, Duct Tape, F/M, Fatass Abuse, Fluff, Gay Bar, Gendo Ikari - Freeform, Glory Hole, Gospel Music, Horn Up Ass, Just Dance 4, Kimono Fetish, M/M, Makeup, Minimum Wage Job, Mop Up Ass, Nobunaga is actually Lady Gaga, Oppa Gangnam Style, Pink Clown Tutu, Shota Taped To Ass, Skittles, Smoke Weed Every Day, Super Saiyan, Tiny Wiener, Walmart, Wedding, chase scenes, dance battle, i don't fucking know, roleplaying, scooter - Freeform, unicorn, wedgie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 21:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4279287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceileice/pseuds/Ceileice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Hunters enjoy a fun experience at Wal-Mart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Save money. Live better.

It was big. It was blue. And just like any other, it had its cheesy slogan.

"Save money. Live better." Gon read the words aloud.

"More like: 'Fuck bitches. Get Money.'" Killua teased.

"What's 'Fuck bitches,' Killua?" Gon asked.

"Oh, never mind! Let's just go in. Go, go!" Killua answered awkwardly as he pushed the green-clad child into the Wal-Mart. Thank god for automatic doors, he thought.

"Welcome to Wal-Mart!" said a child smaller and younger than the both of them. It was Zushi.

"What do you know, it's Zushi." said Killua.

"Hi, Zushi!!!" Gon exclaimed.

"Gon, Killua!!" Zushi was so happy to see he two of them, "I see you two are dating now! How nice!"

"WHAT?!?!?!?!" Killua shreked.

"Un!" Gon replied. Gon was so f**cking innocent.

"UHHHH..." Killua said.

"So, uh.. Er.. What brings you herehe Zusdshi???" Killua asked trying to change the subject.

"I work here." the smaller kid answered as a matter-of-factly.

"Oh, really??? Why?? Aren't yoouu too young?" Killua asked awkwardly. Clearly he was trying.

Zushi ignored his questions.

"Where's Wing-san?" Gon finally asked.

"He works in the food court here!" Zushi replied.

"Oh, maybe we'll see him today." Gon said, with a smile.

"Yeah!"

"Well, uh... It was nice seeing you, Zushi. Too bad we don't have all the time in the world to talk to you, right, Gon???" Killua asked.

"Eh? But we-"

"Hahahahahaha... See you later Zupuoopshi!!!" Killua bid the small kid good-bye as he pushed Gon some more.

Zushi was sad. He had nobody else to greet for awhile since the Wal-Mart was in a shady neighborhood everyone avoided.

Gon and Killua randomly grabbed some things because why the fuck not? They can pay for anything they want with their Hunter Licenses.

But then Killua spotted the candy isle. He knew Wal-Mart carried his favorite shit junk snack: ChocoRobo-kun. And now he could buy it in bulk? Fuck yeah.

So he ran off, leaving poor Gon alone.

Gon was carrying a lot of shit too. Like Killua just forced the items he was originally holding into Gon's arms. What an ass!

"Well, I guess I ought to get a cart, huh?" Gon said with a giant sweatdrop over his head.

How the sweatdrop managed to survive the spikes, I don't know.

The world may never know.

So Gon went back to the entrance and grabbed a cart. "Man, I'll probably need three carts considering Killua may just buy an entire shelves' worth of chocolate..."

"Wait a second... Carts?" Gon then asked himself.

He came up with a brilliant idea.

...

"Wow, they really aren't melting."

Kurapika and Leorio were there too. Apparently they had bought those Great Value ice cream sandwiches and were testing to see if they melt. It had been 5 hours... AND STILL NOTHING!

"They're immortal!" Kurapika exclaimed.

"Or it's just made with fake shit like every other food here..." said Leorio.

"No, they have to be immortal!" Kurapika exclaimed again. Now his eyes were turning red.

"Uhh???" Leorio was confused, "Well, anyway. I think we've spent way too much ti-"

"IMMORTAL!!" Kurapika screamed. His chains appeared.

"Kurapika! No, stop! It's just-!"

"THIS SHITTY SANDWICH WON'T MELT BECAUSE IT'S IMMORTAL. AND THE SPIDERS ARE BEHIND IT ALL!!"

Somewhere right now, Chrollo Lucilfer was smiling. 

"All according to keikaku." he said, sitting down with his hands folded. He was Light Yagami. Quite literally, since he's voiced by the same dood in the 2011 Hunter x Hunter adaption.

"Very soon, he'll try to destroy the sandwich... And that's when 'it' begins..." He then broke into laughter. Cause he's cray cray.

"SHIT!!" But then he suffered from a heart attack and fell over.

...

"Vroooooooooooooooooooom!! Beep Beep!!! Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb!!! VROOOM!!!"

Gon was riding around in one of those scooters. You know, those ones people who are too lazy or fat to walk ride in? Yeah, that.

"Beep Beep!!!"

He was racing around the store. But he was movinhhg at an incredibly slow rate.

He also forgot about the things he and Killua picked up from before. So those things were lying in the middle of nowhere.

And Tonpa tripped over them as he began to stock the shelves. "Ow, FUCK!!"

Wait, where the fuck was Killua anyway?????

...

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO MORE STRAWBERRY AND MINT FILLED CHOCOROBO-KUN CHOCOLATES?!?!?!?!?" an angry cloud-head kid screamed.

"Sorry, kid. Somebody bought the last pack just a few hours ago!" said a blue haired woman. It was none other than Ponzu. She was working at the customer service desk.

"WHO?!?!? WHO WAS IT?!?!? WHOOOO WASSS ITT?T!?!?!" Killua demanded.

Ponzu thought back... "Well, I remember seeing someone walking out with a large box full of those chocolates. Said they were going to 'experiment on them' in their candy store. He was bald."

"HANZO!" Killua shouted. "THAT MOTHERFUCKER!"

"Uh, Kid. This a Christian-family company. We would appreciate it if you keep your voice down, and if you don't use that kind of langua-"

"THAT MOTHERFUUUCKEEEEERERREEPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!"

"..."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP HIM????!" Killua screeched.

"What? Why would I stop him? He had already paid for everything and was leaving the store. He was even nice enough to wave at me (with his free hand, he's a fucking ninja. Go figure) on his way out!"

Killua grabbed the woman by the collar, "Do you know how IMPORNTAAaNTt ChocoRobo-kun is to MEe???!!"

"Uh... No...?" Ponzu was confused and kinda scared??? What the fuck ???

"HEY ASSWIPSE! HANDS OFF MY MAIDEN!" a not-so-heroic voice boomed out of nowhere.

Of course it was Pokkle.

Killua looked around to see where he was to no avail.

"Oh, too scared to show yourself, eh?" He then dropped Ponzu. "Heh, what a weas-"

But then Pokkle swooped in like fucking Tarzan and shit and kicked Killua right in the balls!!! LOL.

Killua cried and fell over.

"heh, serves you right." Pokkle said before flashing a smile at Ponzu and offering her his hand.

"Come, Ponzu. We must ditch this shitty job."

Ponzu took his hand, "But where will we find a job next?"

"Denny's."

Ponzu gasped. She loved Denny's! Kids eat FREE!!

So Pokkle carried her bridal style out of Wal-Mart, and they were gone.

"Say, where did you find that rope to swing from anyway???" Ponzu asked after they left the parking lot.

"I don't fucking know, baby."

Ponzu smiled. She had such a great boyfriend.

Meanwhile, Killua was still on the floor crying and clutching his baalslls 'n peepee.

....But then he saw Gon riding on a scooter moving past him. .... At an incredibly slow rate.

He was instantly healed at the sight of seeing Gon's shorts nearly up his asscrack!!.

"GON!" he exclaimed, jumping up and following.

"Killua! What happened?"

"Well, ... There were no ChocoRobo-kuns after all... Someone bought them... Eheheh...Asasshole."

"Oh, what a shame!"

"Yeah...."

"Wanna race around the store with me???"

"Hmm..." Killua thought about it. Since there were no chocolates he figured why the hell not?

So he ran back and grabbed a scooter. And he drove around in it. "Wowthis is so fucking slow!!"

Gon was miles away, but Killua knew he could catch up...

...

"IMMMMMMMORTAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!" Kurapika screamed after stomping on the ice cream sandwich.

It didn't budge. The sandwich was not smashed!

Kurapika started to cry. His mortal enemy had screwed him over again! Damn that Chrollo Lucilfer!

Leorio was still fucking confused.

But then...

"KURAPIKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Some blue haired brat ran up to Kurapika and hugged him. It was that shittity brat Neon Nostrade.

"oh hi nenon" Kurapika said.

"HI KURAPIKAA!!! WHAT BRINGS YOU TO WARLMART?!?!" exclaimed Neon, because she was fucking happy-go lucky brat.

"Um..." Kurapika quickly hid the sandwich. Nobody needed to know about this! "Uh... General shopping."

"But you haven't grabbed anything."

"oh......." fuck, he thought.

"HEY! I'm here TOO!!" Leorio exclaimed.

"Oh, hi ossann!!!"" Neon exclaimed.

"I'M NOT A FUCKING OLD MAN!!!" Now Leorio was angry.

"Ofc ourse you are. Only gay old men shop here!"

"What?!?!?" Kurapika had seen many non-old men and probably non-gay folks shopping at this particular Wal-Mart.

"BRAT!!" Leorio exclaimed as Neon ran away giggling. He then chased after her but Neon hopped onto her pink Barbie scooter and rolled off.

But even still, Leorio chased after her.

Kurapika sighed. "Now who will help me exorcise the demons in these sandwiches?"

...

Meanwhile, Illumi and Hisoka were also there. Because Hisoka has shit taste in picking out places for dates.

"Why the fuck am I here..." Illumi thought.

Hisoka was picking up too much crap clothes. And he'd ask Illumi if they made him look good. Or if they made his butt look fat (is that good too???).

Illumi wanted to cry.

But then Hisoka sowed up wearing a pink tutu. "So~ What do you think~"

"Fucking gay and cheap. It'll fall apart within the next ten days." Illumi answered.

"Oh~ You're no fun~" Hisoka then started pelvic thrusting.

Ew.

He stopped when he noticed Gon riding by on a scooter!

Now his shorts were REALLY up his ass!

This turned on Hisoka like 9999999.

Illumi cried. "My bf preys on little kids!!"

but then Illumi noticed Killua riding on a scooter too, probably chasing Gon, he figured.

"Kil...." he whispered before both he grabbed a pink Barbie bike and chased after Killua.

Hisoka was following Gon on a unicycle.

"AHHH FUCCCKK!!!" Killua exclaimed as his scooter crashed into Gon's. He was so fucking confused by Illumi and Hisoka that he forgot to watch the 'road.'

"Ouch!!! Killua!" Gon said, but he was still driving.

Killua clung to the back of the seat Gon was sitting in. And he could see Gon's booty butt.

"O_______O" was his face upon discovering this.

"GON! REALLY! YOU NEED TO WEAR LONGER SHORTS LIKE ME!!!"

"no" Gon said but then Illumi and Hisoka were on their tails. But like, they were cornering them on both sides.

"Ringo-Chan~~"

Gon screamed and somehow that made the scooter speed up. Now he was moving at 6000 miles an hour.

"WOAH SHIT GON!!" Killua exclaimed, holding on tightly to the seat. HE WAS LITERLALLY FLYING!!!

Gon Crashed itno many shelves, and Tonpa, who was restocking the shelves.

"FUCK!" Tonpa exclaimed and cried.

Killua stuck his tongue out at the fatass working minimum wage, but then he noticed Hisoka and Illumi had joined forces and were moving at a pretty fast rate too.

"FCKUING SHIT!!!!" KIllua SCREAMED!@!!

Gon looked behind as well and saw that. He FUCKNIG SCREAMED AND MOVED FASTER!!! OWOWOWOWO

And they ran over Ging Freecs.

PPOORR FUKING GON DIDNT EVEN NOTICE GING!! LOL!!

They also ran into Neon Nostrade on her Barbie Scototer, who flew 50 meters into the air and fell flat, dead.

"OOPSSPSP!! " Gon exclaimed.

Then Hisokaand Illumi passed by her. Hisoka threw her out the window like trash.

Meanwhile Leorio, who for some reason was still chasing Neon on a Spiderman bike, suddenly saw her thrown out the window and laughed. "hehehe stupid squiret1"

BUT THEN HE SAW IT WAS HISKA AND ULIMII WHO DID IT AN SCREMAED!!!

"AHHH!!!! WHAT THE FCKU!!!"

He watched as they zoomed by on their Barbie bike. 

"OMGYG!!!"

Meanwhile Gon and Killua burst thourgh the walls and were outside. Gon pressed a weird button and the scooter then began to fly. It was being powered by JET FUELS (aka tonpa farts) AND THEY FLEW OFF!

Hisoka used His Gay Clown tutu AND BEGAN TO PROPEL. Illumi clung to his legs.

"WAIT THE FUCK UP!!" Hiaoska exclaimed.

"NOOOO!!!" Killua, who was still haging onto the seat, yelled.

Meanwhile Pariston noticed a dead Ging on the floor as he walked by and scrEAMED!! He had Been EROTICALLYYL Lciknig his Ice cream cone he bought but then he dropped it on Ging's dead body.

"WHO THE FUCK DIDII THSI!! " He scremAED!

Then he pulled out aN AK -47 AND WENT ON A RAMPAGE.

...

Kurapika was all by himselfnow. With that hellish Ice cream sandwich. How dare it be Great Value!

He sneered at it and puounced it like a cat would. 

The icecream sandwich bit him.

He cried.

"FUCKCUfCKVKDG!!! "

But then Leorio rode by the the Spiderman bike and yelled" KURAPIKA CMON HISKAOA ADN ILUMIU ARE CHASINg gNO AND KILUA!"

"Wait they were herE?? ?And how did youknow that?" Kurapika was confused.

"That look on Hisoka's face, of course. It's the face he makes whenever he sees that Gon forgot to wear his boxers." Leorio explained.

"WELL SHITTYUH COMON LETS GOO!!"!" Kurapika somehow hopped onto the bike and they rode off.

But the doods being pursuited were flying their way to space

how the fuck woul d they follow them?

Leorio came up with a simple solution.

Kurppiaks! Use your chains!"! He exclaimed

And Kurapika did.

The chains latched onto Illumis ass and he screEAMED!!

"HISOAK! I THINK YOUR DICK IS STUCK IN MY ASS AGAIN!!"

"oops." Hisoka said BEFORE HE CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF GONS BOXERLESS ASS AND SPED UP!!!

"WOOHOO!!!""

So basically, Gon and Killua were trying to get away from Illumi and Hisoka, Hisoka and Illumi were chasing them, and now Leorio and Kurapika were trying tp figure out the fuck was going on.

Wow, it's like a Killugon Leopika Hisoliliuu fans twetdream!!!

Not really.

...

All the while, poor Wing-san was fliping burgers (fake burgers, they're really made of Tonpa's shit).

"I wonder what that ruckus from earlier was?" he asked himself.

"I hope Zushi is okay."

But then zushi ran to the food court and scrEAMED!! "OMG SHIHONDAII!!! GON ANDKILULUA JUST FLEW OFFF WWOFUCK!!" he SCREMQED. "Osu."

"Oh, really? We'd better call our most trusted companion, Mr. CEO!" he said as he patted poor Zushi on the head.

"YEs, Yes! WE MSu/t!" Zushi said cyyring.

"Don't worry Zushi, here I'll call him now."

So Wing picked up the phone and dialed the corporate office.

He waited a few seconds before...

"Hello, this the corporate office, how may I help you today." answered a bland voice. Like they ahted their job.

"May I speak to the CEO?" Wing asked, nicely.

"No. He's too busy dealing with more immportant thangs." said the ass on the othe rline.

"Piiilazloaossdufeoala."

Wing had said the secret Wal-MArt code! Now the CEO couldn't refuse him.

"...." The person on the other line called the CEO to come over.

"Hello. What's up?" the CEO answered.

"Hello, a few kids, a clown and another man, and a guy in a suit on a Spiderman bike with a blonde twink just flew off. Just out of the store. Some sparkly guy is shooting everything in the store with an AK-47. There's also a huge hole in the building...."

"Well shit. You guys are screwed. I better get over there to see this!" he exlcimaed before sounds off jumping out of a seat could be heard.

"Yeah..." Wing hung up.

"Master, who is the CEO anyway??" Zushi asked.

"Why, Stick Dinner, of course."

...

Stick Motherfucknig Dinner. That Motherfucker.

...

 

TO BE CONTINUED?!?!?!?!?


	2. Money save. Better live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am continuing this saga. Here is chapter 2, enjoy.

"Uh... You sure this is the right place?"

"Yes."

"Why the fuck are we here?"

"To cause havoc."

"......"

"Hey, hey. No sense in arguing! We've walked all the way here, so let's enjoy ourselves."

It was the Phantom Troupe. They were just about to walk into Wal-Mart. The one in the shady neighborhood.

Pretty fitting, for a bunch of shitty thieves.

"Danchuuchouu, there's already a big hole in the wall." Shizuku pointed out.

"I see." answered Chrollo.

The fuck? T his bastard is still alive??!?!

Damn.

"I hope it ain't as big as your asshole." Phinks said.

"Wait, you would knOWw that?" Feitan asked.

But then Feitan changed his mind, "You know what, I don't think I wanna know..."

Chrollo laughed like the motherfucker he is.

"Let's go inspect the hole."

"Boss, that sounds wrong." Machi added.

So they inspected the hole.

"But what material was used to create such a large hole?"

"Judging by the rubble on the ground, it wasn't sliced..." Nobunaga answered. He would know.

"Maybe somebody used Nen and punched a hole in the wall?? Kinda like Uvo's Big Bang Impact?" Shizuku asked.

"OMG SHIZUKU WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THE DEAD!" Nobunaga screamed.

"I don't believe in the Big Bang theory anyway." Feitan interrupted.

"Wait, what? You don't?!?" Phinks was surprised by Feitan's comment.

"Nah... That theory is like dog shit man."

"But it makes sense!"

Shizuku raised her hand. "I don't believe in the Big Bang theory either. It's too cliche."

"But, the facts and proof-!" Phinks yelled.

"Well, boss, what do you think?" Machi asked.

Chrollo answered, "Well, I suppose the Big Bang theory has a lot more holes in it than the hemorrhoids in my ass."

Everyone gasped!

"Boss, you had hemorrhoOsidids?!?!" 

"YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU REALLY THINK THE PLANET WAS CREATED BY A GOD?!?!" Phinks screamed.

"Well, Togashi is a god. And we were created b-" Feitan was interrupted.

"Although I am a man of science, I must admit that it is too mainstream." Chrollo chuckled.

"FUCKINGG WHAT?!" Phinks was still screaming.

"Hey, let's not start a fight here. How about we instead settle this with a coin?" Franklin said.

"Alright. Heads is you losers --- Black Jesus Togashi. Ass is for the Big Bang theory!" Phinks exclaimed.

"It's not like it'll prove that either are true..." Machi whispered.

"But if it lands on ASS, you all have to stop going to church."

Chrollo frowned. He loved going to church. And the potluck dinners.

So they decided to settle it with a coin.

All the while, Kalluto was still watching them.

They were too fcuking dumb to notice.

"I ain't even usin ' Zetsu." she said from the shadows.

But as the coin was flipped into the air and all the members of the Troupe looked up to see it, they caught sight of something far, far, FAR more interesting.

"WHAT THE FUKXUKCKC!?!?" Phinks sCREMAED!

They saw people fLYING in MIDAIR!

"WHaT THE FUCKU!" Phinks repeated.

They realized one of the flying folk was Hisoka.

"hO SHIT!"

"Why is he in a tutu..?" Machi asked. Clown trash, she thought.

...

"Ne, Killua."

"Hm?"

"How much fuel do we have left?"

"Fuel..? Uh... I have no idea...?"

"That's not good."

Gon and Killua were still flying in the scooter. And still being followed by Hisoka and Illumi, who were still being followed by Leorio and Kurapika.

Lel.

"This runs on fuel? Shit... We're gonna run out soon.." Killua thought.

"Let's try to lose them, we've only been moving in one direction after all." said Killua.

"One Direction? I didn't know you were a Belieber, Killua." Gon said, somewhat surprised.

"WHat thE FuCK, Gon! Just turn right or something!" Killua exclaimed.

Gon did as Killua said. He also pressed a button that made them move EVEN FASTER. WTF! 

Killua's a fan of One Direction... Gon thought.

...

Hisoka and Illumi noticed the sudden change in pace.

"Oh~ Ringo-Chan is struggling to get away~" Hisoka licked hislips. Fucking trashaass.

Illumi sighed. "Hisoka my ass really hurts. I think I have cuts in five different places." Kurapika's chains were still there aftereall!

"I dnot' fucking care. I want ASSS>!" Hisoka said plainly.

Illumi cried.

And Hisoka's tutu allowed them to propel to the right. Hisoka's tutu lacked Control, though. Like his Control was only 1. So moving to the Right proved to be fucking difficult.

"WATCH OUTFOR THTA TREE!" Illumi screamed.

"The only Tree i'm watching for is Ringo-Chan~" Hisoka exclaimed.

...

"They're moving right now!" Kurapika exclaimed.

"It's great that we don't have to do any work, since the chains are attached to Illumi's ass." Leorio said.

"I know, right??? Don't gotta doany fcuknig work haha" Kurapika laughed.

...

"GON! I TINK WE'RE MVIONG TOO FAST!!" Killua ExCLIAMED!

He was still clinging to Gon's seat. How he managed to hang on when they're moving at a fast rate of OVER 9000?!

I don't FUCKING ,know!!

But then Killua noticed Gon's ass was bouncing up and downin the seat. Probably because they were moving so fast and poor Gon cloudn't hang on himself? ? Also, no seatbelt.

Killua screMEAED! "GON WHY WOUDLNT YOU WEAR BOXERS WTF!!!"

"Well, at least I have my shorts, right??" Gon said, being optimistic as fucking usual. He then laughed.

Killua wanted to smack him, but was toofUcking busy hanging on to the seat.

I can't feel my legs anymore... Killua thought, and he closed his eyes.

"Is this death..?"

...

The Phantom Troupe had stole the Wal-Mart blimpie (burimpii~ for you Japawackas) and were advancing toward theflying groups.

"This is the best decision I've made in my life." Nobunaga cheered.

Machi was pissed. They had to chase after cLown Trash? Fycking Traash.

"Franklin, omOve your fatass over!" Shizuku snapped. OH SsHIT!1

"Relax, guys, it'll be okay. Here let me read bible verses to you." Chrollo said.

And he picked up his Bible. 

But HOH NO! WhATA HE PCIKED UP QAS HIS DEATH NOYTE!!.

OH FUCKING SHIT

And he didn't NOTICE LIEK FUCKING TRASH AND STARTED TURNING PAges.

And he started to read pgae 76.

"Feitan dies being Fisted by Phniks. The Result is Bloodlyly Mudrer and phniks can't wash the Bloodsyly from his sheets." he recited.

Oh no. Something was wrong.

Feitan glared at him. Phinks glared at him. The whole Troupe glared at him.

"haha ops wrong book." Chrolrolo quickly said as he shoved his deahth Note up his assa and instead pulled the bbible out ofhis Penis Pocket.

The death Note had scrapped against one of his Hemmorhoids so bible readin was awka. Like he was tryin not to screech as he read.

"Fuck my Fucking LKife." Machi thought.

...

And what about Kalluto, you ask?

Kalluto had hijacked an airpplane and was advancing bEHIND the BLimpie (once again, Burimpii~ for you waksassjapens)

"Fuckers think they're hot shit. Robbed a blimp and a bank." she muttered.

Well that's gonna change, she thought with a smirk.

...

"I hope Gon and Killua are okay. I mean, they just started dating and all.." Zushi was sad.

"Don't worry Zushi, Mr. CEO will be here soon." Wing reassured the child.

"bUt wHAT IF GON AND IKLUA DIE BEOFRE he ARIVEs?" Zushi cried.

"Zushi, if it Fits, it Ships. And if it Ships, it Fits." Wing smiled.

"And if it Ships, it sHits! and it Fits cause it Ships!" Zushi fist-bumped his Master. Whenver Wing said that it meant it'd be all good.

And everything would be okay...

...

"Whale, whale, whale. What do we have HERE?"

...

TO BE CONTINUED!!?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like I have to edit my tags now! ;Dd
> 
> I promise I will focus on whats happening INSIDE the store instead of OUTSIDE next chapter. And Mr. CEO. *winkwinkle*


	3. Save better. Live Money.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy~

"Whale, whale, whale. What do we have HERE?"

Mr. CEO stepped in the Wal-Mart.

Stick MotherFluucking Dinner.

"This place looks like a WRECK!" he exclaimed.

He then noticed Pariston, who was running around the store shooting at everything with an AK-47.

If that was his idea of vengeance, it was pretty bad... I mean, it is Wal-Mart.

But Wal-Mart is precious to the CEO --- I mean he IS the CEO.

Stick Dinner looked out the store windows and looked to the sky. He could see teeny tiny figures flying very high up. As well as a blimp and airplane.

"Oh dear... It'll be night soon. It's dangeEryrous to fly at night, especially if you're a rookie!" He shook his head, "Damn rookies..."

"Looks like I'll need some help."

He pulled out a cellphone, a Wal-Mart brand cellphone specifically designed for the VIPs to use, then pushed a very large and important looking button.

Very soon (and I do mean like, 55 seconds), four hella badasses entered the Wal-Mart beside him like ninjas.

They were:

Spinner Clow,

Banana Kavaro,

Monta Yuras,

and last but not least,

Kite.

"Whale, whale, whale, what do we h-"

"I said that already!" Stick Dinner cut off Spinner Clow.

"Right, so," Banana Kavaro started.

"I'm sure you can see the mess. Look, here." Stick Dinner rubbed his finger against the floor of the store, and on his finger was GLITTER.

The other four gasped.

"G-G-Glitter?!" Monta Yuras asked, surprised.

"Don't worry. We've handled much worse. Come." Kite said, the tall man stepping forward.

"Go all out?" Banana asked.

Stick Dinner nodded. "Make some noise!!"

And they rushed, each to different departments or aisles.

Stick Dinner, the CEO.

Spinner Clow, the COO.

Banana Kavaro, the CTO.

Monta Yuras, the CFO.

And Kite, the CCO.

...

"Is this death?" .... "No! I must find boxers for Gon! That will put an end to this chase!"

"GON! I THINK WE'RE GNONA CRAS H INTO MARS!"

"You sure? Mars is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay further than this."

"BUT WERE MOVING FSATER THAN SHIT!!!"

It was Gon and Killua. Still on the scooter (Killua still hanging on, however he's starting to become very Numb. Likethe Linkkin Park song baabayy). Still flying at a ridiculous sppeed. Their bones would not sharter. Oops i mean Shatter. Like shat, not shart.

"Poop can't move, Killua." Gon said as a matter-of-factly.

"I'm surprised you know what that mea- OH SHITTT THAT LKOKS LIEK A PLANET!!!" Killua screamed.

"Killua, that's a cloud."

"...Fuck."

"..."

"..."

"You have Cloud Hair and yo udidn't realize that?"

"..."

"Killua, I worry for your soul sometimes." Gon pitied his poor ex-assassin (ass ass in) friend.

"SHOULDNT I BESAYING THAT TO YOU??" Killua was slightly pissed now.

"Hahahahahah..."

"Grrrr..!!11!11"

"Hey, Killua, do you hear that?" Gon asked after his giggling fti.

"Hear what?" Suddenly they both became quiet, and (other than fart sounds of the scooter [it's moving really fast...],) they could hear something.... Something behind them.

Killua looked back with all his might to see a large blimp. AND AN AIRPRLANE!!!

"HOLY FUCKNIG GG SHIT GON!!" He SCRMEED!! "WE'rE BEING CHASEDBY MORE THAN JUST HISOAKA AND MY BROBRO!!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!" Gon screaEMED! He loked back as well and saw the TERORR! "ASDFGRATH!!!"

Butas he was looking back, he didn't focus on the 'road' and therefore they were headed to the World Tree. And at that rate, they'd bump into it.

But Gon and Killua were too busy screaming.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

...

"Hisoka, do you hear that/??" Illumi asked after he finished cryyring.

"I don't fckuing care. I want ASSS>!!"! Hisoka ScrEAMED!

"HISOKAA WERE BEING CHASED BY A BLIMPMPIE AND A AILPRANE!!!"

"aSSSSS-- Wait what . A Burimpii and a AilluPuraeeeenuu?!" Hisoka looked back.

IT was true.

"What THe fUCK DOWE DO." Illumi screamed.

"Hm~ I think we Should get on the Blimpie. It Smells like Danchouu~~~" Then Hisoka started pelvic thrusting in mid-air.

"But won't we lose noG and Kiluia?"

"OH~ As much As i HaTe to Lose my Precious tRoll Tree monkEy Baby, we Must ride the Blimp." Hisoka said, "First I need to snIff Dancohou's AsSS."

"And my Tutu is About to rip."

"WELL FKUCKIN !!!" Illumi screamed.

And Hisoka started to Fly toward the blimpie.

They didn't know why the AirPlane twas there.

...

Oh right, Kurapika's chains are still attached to Illumi's ass, so...

"WHATHATY THE FUKCINGF"!! Leorio SCREAMED!!

"STUPDI DOCTOR SWGHY ARE WE TUNRNIG BACK??!!?" Kurapika YELLED!!

"I DINT FUCKNIG KNOW!!"

"aND WHY ISTHERE A BLIMPIEE!!? " Kurapika was SCREAMING!!

"WERE GONNA COLLIDE WITH THE BLIMP! SHITTTITITIYYYS!!"

...

Looks like they're in a pickle.

...

Meanwhile...

...

"I see him. He's in the Housewares Depot. You read me?" Banana was talkin' thru' a walkeh talkeh. She spotted Pariston trying to shove a Mop Up His Ass.

"I read you HIGH and CLEAR!" the person on the other line shouted with enthusiasim.

"It's LOUD and CLEAR. Not HIGH and CLEAR, Dinner." Banana corrected, slightly annoyed, "Are you High?"

Stick Dinner had to think for a second.

"...Maybe."

Banana facepalmed. "Anyway, send some backup. He's trying to Corrupt our Housewares Supplies."

"Alright, I'm sending you Spin."

In a matter of seconds, Spinner Clow somersauted her way into the aisle Banana was taking cover in.

"Sparkle-ass here?" she asked.

Banana nodded. "Try to keep him occupied while I fix my Clearance Gun."

"Yes, ma'am." And like that, Spinner Clow front flipped her way to Pariston and kicked him SQUARE in the face.

"Take that, FUCKASS!" She screamed as she face-planted him.

Spin then took the mop (luckily Pariston didn't manage to get it up his ass), stood in a fencing-type swordplay position.

"En Garde!"

Banana was still fixing up her Clearance Gun. Man, did Pariston Fcku up the prices there! Literally, since his sparkly cum (EW) was on them.

...

Meanwhile, Mon was sweeping up the sparkles Pariston had left in his tracks. "And I thought Twilight was too sparkly." he sighed.

His broom came across Ging's dead body. 

"Huh...?"

"Hey, wait... Isn't this the guy Kite is looking for?" Mon thought.

He quickly swept Ging's body under a clothing rack while whistling. Now Ging was covered in sparkles.

"Can't let him see this..." he thought.

But why?

Because...

...

"I'm searching for a certain Hunter." said Kite, when he first got his job at Wal-Mart, "I believe it will be easier to find him if I'm here since he's a cheapskate who regularly buys low-priced, clearance, or discount items."

"That is my goal. That is why this job is ideal for me." Kite continued, "But once I find him, I will quit."

...

Mon remembered that moment -- that heartwarming moment...

He didn't want Kite to leave. He and Kite were good friends.

Actually, nobody wanted Kite to leave. Everybody working for Wal-Mart was good friends with Kite.

But here was this Shithole. Ging Freecs. He JUST HDA to SHOW up there.

Granted, he was dead, but still.

Mon couldn't let Kite see him!

...

"Man, what'd this guy roll in? An entire Tub of Kids rArts 'n Craftfs Glitter?" Stick sneered as he stepped on some more glittar.

"He even managed to get it on the Ceilgns!" Stick Sighed. 

Well, Banana did manage to find the ass. She said so on the Walkeh Talkeh.

"Well... TiMe tO BREAK WIND!!" Stick ran off.

...

Kite was inspecting every pack of Condoms. He wanted to make sure there were no holes in any of the Condoms. After all, they didn't need anymore accidents.

Like Gon Freecs.

"Christian-family company, eh?" Kite asked himself as he picked up the 65th pack of condoms. These ones were made of latex.

"Wait... This is...!"

He found a hole.

...

"Hyaa! Wah! Hiyaah!" Spin exclaimed as she jabbed at PAriston with the mop. 

Pariston took the blows, his smile almost fading, until he tripped the girl.

"Wah!" She said as she fell on HEr asS. She also dropped the mop.

"Perfect." Pariston thought, before he ran to grab his AK-47. He left a sparkly trail as he crawled over to it.

Spinner Clow GagGed. The Spakrles were tOO MUCh!

But she got back up.

...But Just in time for Parisno to grab the AK-47.

"Say 'Sayenari', lil shit" he said with a cocky smile as he pointed the weapon to her.

"That's 'Sayonara.'" she corrected him.

"WHaT the FUCk EVVR." he hissed. He was ready to shoot.

"SPIN, NO!" Banana shouted as she had just finished fixing up her Clearance Gun.

Butit was TOO Late. Spinner Clow was Dashing toward PArisnot.

And he let out a rround of bulelts.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Banana screamed.

...

TO BE CONTINUED?!?!?!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SO FUCKING FUN TO WRITE. THE DRAMA, SUSPENSE, ACTION!!! YEAAAAAAAH.
> 
> I so need a lyfe. donate pls.


	4. Live save. Money better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah. I have a Twitter account which I made like a week ago???? (Tbh I made it so that I could follow this guy who tweets quotes from crack HxH fics. I hope they quote MY fics! //Twiddles thumbs)  
> If ya wanna follow it here. But I don't really post shit:
> 
> https://twitter.com/Ceileice
> 
> Btw that's not my actual name so no creeping. :)

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Banana screamed.

The bullets were deflected.

By WHAT?

Great Value ice cream sandwiches. Stick Dinner arrived just in time.

Hell yeha.

Since tha bullets were deflected, they went back to Pariston's way.

haha

Pariston picked up Tonpa and used him as a meatshield.

"FUCK!" Tonpa screamed. He was shot in several differnet places.

If he wasn't dead before, he was dead now.

...

"Goodbye wolrd." he said with a tear in his eeye.

He remembered when he was a dyumb kid. He accidentally broke a glass vase with his fatass.

Yes, he was fat then too.

"sorry papi!!!" He criedas he was being spanked.

Such a sad memory, he thought.

But then he rememberedthe taste of Grandma's homemade Chocolate pudding (ChocoRobo-kun didnt exist back then, just so you newfags know).

She used to always leave her dentures in it, too, Tonpa thought with a chuckle.

He then cried angelic tears and ascended to Heaven (he used to be a good church going guy, too.)

Now ait. 

He was bad.

He went to Hell.

hahahahahah!!!111!

Lets not talk about science OK (for you fedora loving fools)

...

Spin sighed as they all watched Pariston retreat into another aisle. "THat was close..."

"Yeah I know right???" Stick Dinner said. He then threw the ice cream sandwiches away.

Chrollo felt a disturbance.

lel.

"Right, so," Banana started, "How are you others doing?"

Mon was still whsilting. He covered Ging in feathers now lol.

"I... Found a hole." Kite said thru da walkeh talkeh.

"Where?" Stick asked.

"In my ass." Kite answered.

...

...

...

"Just kidding. I found a hole in one of the condoms haha." Kite said after a minute of silence and awkwardness.

Everyone had a sweatdrop on their head. Except PAriston he had Sparkalres.

"OH MY GOD THIS IS SERIOUS!" Banana scREAMed. "WHAT AISLE ARE YOU IN??"

"Health," Kite answered, "Specifically the Sexual Wellness section."

"Alright, I'll chase after the spaklry Vampire. You dudettes go help Kite with his 'problem.'" Stick said.

They all nodded and ran off in different directions.

"Yo Mon what are you doingg anyway???" Spinner Clow asked.

"What dO yuo mean? I'm still clesaning up spaklres." Mon answered.

"Oh.. WEll if You'renot too busy with that, I'm gonna need some backu p." Mr. Dinner said as he picked his nose.

"Arlgiht where are you?"

"I'm in Housewares but I'm going to head to the food court. I need some burgers to use as meatsheilds."

"Haha, getit. MEat shields." stick was a true comedian!

"...Yeah...no." Mon answred.

"Well anyway head to the food court I think Edward Colon is headed there too." 

"Okay..." Mon just finished placing a My Little Porny on tops of Ging 's dead body. It was Twilight Sparkle.

It fitted him, as he was covered in sparkles.

And feathers.

Then he headed for teh food court.

Meanwhile, in the food court..

...

"See, Zushi? Mr. CEO and his trusted companions are fighing for us. For our store!"

"If it fits, it sits and Shits. and Ships cause shit sits fits mitts ditts Armpits!" Zushi exclaimed. He was still saying that?

Really, he was trynign to cheer himself up. The idea of the two lovas -- Gon and Killera--- dying was scaring the FuCK out of him.

"Zushi-"

"But Master! that Man is still running around with hisWeapon of Violence and there's still a hole in the wall."

"Zushi, don't worry. We're Wal-Mart. We always win. Why do you think we put smaller buisnesses to their graves?" Wing reassured him.

Zushi stared at him blankly.

Wing continued, "Put it this way. You have a hole in your ass."

...

Hiokasa was flying towards the bimlpie and mMachi was cSreamign!!

"AHHH FUCK DONT ELLT HIM COME HERE!!" she said.

"MORE LIEKE WHO THE FCK IS THEAT GUY HOLDING ON TO HIS LEGSSDG!??" Nobubanaga Screamed.

"Oh, that's Illumi Zoldyck. You don't remember? I hired him to kill the Ten Dons." Chrollo said in his best Light Yagami voice.

"opene The windows we gotta let Hisokass in." Franklin said.

"NONONONO FUCK NO!" Then machi kicked a window and it broke. Nice job MAchi.

"THanks That's less work on me. " Shalnark smiled.

"FUCKCKCKCK!" Machi screamed.

Then Hisokass flew in though the opening in the broken window. "Danchou~~"

Illumi bumped into a broken glass shard and bled. He started crying but he did roll in after he let go of Hisokas s legs.

"hi hisoka." Chrollo said plainly.

"Danchou~ You're no fun~" Hisoka said as h e ripped the tutu off. "Hmph~ Illu-kun was right~ IT's already broken~"

Everybody except chorlLo and iLumimi facepalmed.

Especially Machi. "Clown Trash."

"Oh my~ It's Machi~ My favorite~" He then advanced towards aMachi.

"Don't you dare!" Machi said as he quickly ran into the girl's bathroom. Yes the blmimpie had bathrooms <3.

"Machi~ Open Up~ Let's have Toilet Sex in there~" Hisoka knowcked on le door.

"FUCK NO IMPOOPING!!" Machi screamed.

Chrollo laughed like the mohercuckier he is. "Looks loke theyre having fun."

He then pulled out his bible again, "Anyway, back to bible verses everyone. Hisoka, you can listen tooeven tho you're a sinner lol."

"Danchou~" Hisoka spun over to his favorite boss. Even though he had been a fake spider hahahah.

Illumi was still crying. The chains were still in his ass.

Speaking of chains...

Oh SHIT!

Kurapika is in for a rude awakening. LOL.

Two fools on a Spiderman bike burst in and destroyed another glass window.

What.

Yup.

"ONG I TOLD YOU WE'd cRASGH INTO THE BLLIMPEE."

"WELL FUCK WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOT MY FAULT HISOAKASA HAD SHITTTY TASTE>!"

Leorio and Kurapika were bickering again. :D

Then the chains ripped Illumi's pants. like where his butt was so you could see his panties.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAH~" He screamed.

"WHAT THE FUDKCFCUK FUCK"

"THE FUCK!!!"

Leorio and Kurapika stopped their bickering for this sHIT.

"Dude why are you wearing strawberry printed panties????" Leorio was confused??? what the fuck.

"Hisoka fisted me and forced me to wear them!!" Illumi was still crying.

"Well isn't that fu- ... ... ..." Kurapika stopped.

He saw it.

HE SAW IT..

SFUCKING SHIT

HELL !! 

OH NO!!!

The Spiders.

And Chrollo.

Kurapika's eyes turned red. "MOTHER FUCKER!" he sCREAMED!

"I did infact fuck your mom Kurapika." Chrollo said with a smile.

"woah dude that's just nasty. " Leorio said.

"Be glad she's dead, Chain user, or else she would've given birth to a lil Lucilfer baby. I was so sure, like 100%, I got her preg." Chrollo put on his cockky grin. The grin was as big as his cock.

Small.

lol.

KuraPIKa SCREAMED!!! OH MY FUCK GODD!!

Notonly did Chroollo insult his mommy but he said he got her PREG! AND KILLED HER AFTER! OH SHITTT!!!

"Less work on me. I suck with kids." Chrollo said indfferent. Motherufkce.r

Then kuraPika was about to Run toward CHrlloasswipe and pimp smack him good. But Leoriostopped him.

"Your chains are still kinda in Illumi's ass??? You ought to get them out first." Leorio said.

"haha good point. " kurpiaka smiled and laughed.

WHA TTHE FUCK???

So they walked over to Illumi together to get the chians out his ass.

Hioksass folowe dthem too because he liked watching Science.

Illumi was still crying. "FUCKING HISOAKSSA IM DUMPING YOU AFTER THIS!!"

ihiskoa didn't care. He knew illumi would come bck for Cummies.

"So um how do I do this...??" Kurpika asked .

"You just do this" Leorior said. He ripped one da chainz out Illimu's asss.

"OUCH! MOTHERFUCKERRR!!! AHHH" PoorIllumi. Heswas Screaming in pain. :(

Hisokaa was turned on by that like the sad fuck clown he is.

The Phantom Troupe found the scene to be amusing.

"lol chain user cant even figure out how to Ass." Phinks said.

kurapika glared at him but went back to focsuing on the Ass.

Leorio put bandiads on Illumi's ass. "Sorry im not kissing your booboos"

Illumi was still crying but he was better "tank you doctor1!1"

Now that's what you call FLfuff.

yup.

...

The Airplaen behind them, with Kalluto in it, was still following behind da blimp.

But since Kallitos a fucking kid she didnt know how to control the damn plane.

"shit whats this do..." she prsessed a Button.

A TV pooped up and showed her Hisoka's nudes.

"FUcK!!!"

...

"GON!!! We'RE GONNA CRASH INTO dA WURLD TREE!" Killua Scarmed!!!

"..."

"GON!!"

"...."

"GON!!"

"..."

"GON!!!"

"..."

"GOOOOON!"

...

Gon had fallen asleep.

Um ecxuse me.

HOW?!

Killua started crying.

How did Gon manage to hang on and sleep at the same time.

Wathever.

Killua sighed, "Typical Trash boyfiened Guess I gotta lclean up his MEss AGAIN!"

Then with all of his strenghth, he flipped himself into the seat with gNO.

He was sitting on Gon's lap.

Oh no.

He blushed. "Uhh... He's sleeping... He's Sleeping... He's sleeping..."

He said that many times over until he finally took control of the scooter.

He started to turn left but they weren turning fast enough!!!

"OH NO WE'RE GONNA CRASH!!!" Killua shut his eyes tight.

And then Gon wrapped his arms around Killua.

"killua is warm.. hghghghaa..."

He was still sleepin.

KILLUAFUCKING BLUSHED TOMATO RED AND DPOWER CURVED THE DAMN SCOOTERSR>

They went around the tree.

"Thanks, Gon, You idiot!" Killua said Tsundere-ly.

"I love this idiot." he thought.

...

TO BE CONITUNED?!?!?!?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hOPE You LIKED TEH FLUFFLYY!! :)))))))


	5. .retteb eviL .yenom evaS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I have some other (crack obvs) fic ideas, but it'd also be nice if you could suggest some too! I'll take them into consideration. Just no lemons pls (nless its like shoving a elephant up hisoka's ass or smthn). Oh yeah, the idea won't go into the da Wal-Mart one (this one) just puttin' that out there. Wal-MArt is all mine OK?  
> Anyway I'm thinkin about doin a karaoke fic but I need some song ideas??? Like which song do you think a certain character should sing?? (No song s about buttfcuking pls thank. Unless you're Hisoka) :)))??
> 
> tAnks in advance and Enjoy the chapter!!

"Wow, that's a Really Big Hole!" Spinner Clow exclaimed!

"Indeed. I can insert my entire index finger into it." Kite said.

"haha that sounds soooooo wrong. " added Banana.

Kite, Clow, and Banana were in the Sexual Wellness section of Wal-Mart.

Yeaaaaah.

Kite had found a hole in one of the condoms.

Yeeeeaaaahhh...

So.

"We should take this to the hsopital." Kite said as he plucked out the condom, with care.

"yah MAN or else it'll be like last time..." Clow said nervously.

They all shuddered.

The last time an employee was scuked into one of the hole's in a condom.

They never saw them again.

The worst part was that the condom had a soul after that and wreaked havc allover the Wal-MArt.

...Yeaaaahhh...

"Wait cant we just throw it away????" banaana asked.

"We can, but we'll have to exorcise the demon inside of it first." Kite answered.

"WHAT?!?!"

both girls wer eSHOCKED!

Comdons have demons!?!?!?

"Oh sorry not demons i mean nen haha. " Kite said.

they both smacked him on the head. "BAKAAA!!!!!" 

"But... where do we find anen exercist??" Clow asked

"Nen exorcist? what? We're Wal-MArt. We sell nen exorcising devices already!" Kite eclaimed.

"....Ok good point. But someone tbought the last piece of exorscing equipment 2 days ago." Clow said dumbfounded.

"Right, so," Banana started.

"God-damn it Banana do you always have to say that???!" Kite asked.

So Clow called up the other Wal-aMrt in the otha 'hood and guess what.

They didny have any nen exorcising equipment.

"Fucking casuals." Clow SCREAMEQD!

"Maybe we should just throw this cndom at the guy with the Ak-47." Banana suggested wih a shurg.

"GREAT IDEA!" Clow exclaimed!

"Yeah, who gives a shit about him anyway." Kite smiled and they all walked off.

...

Meanhwile in the f00d court.

"When you put it that way, master..." Zushi started, "It really does make sense!"

"See, Zushi?" Wing smiled. He was glad that zushi acknwolged the fact that he had a hole in his ass. :)

and just then Stick Motherucking Dinner and Mon showed up.

"Sup Wing. I'm gonna need fifty burgers." Stick said.

"Fifty? Master, is he planning to eat all of them?" Zushi asked. What the fuckkk??? he thought

"No, Zushi, remember they're fighting for us. He's going to shove the patties up that evil man's ass." Wing smiled.

At least he was half-correct lol.

"So, can youou do it???" Mon asked.

Wait can the grill even fit 50 patties???! burgers?1??! this is going to be a longgg process.

"Of course. Here I just finished a batch of twelve. Nobody is going to eat them anyway." wing said as he unwrappedthe patties and handed them over.

"Yeah, they taste like Shhit! ^^" Zushi exclaEdmid energetically.

"Well, Zushi, I'm going to need your help making the rest, so could you pause your greeting job and help me in the kitchen?" Wing asked politely.

"Of course master!!" Zushi ran into the kitchen to get the beef (tonpa shit).

And while they did that PArissnoton showed up again. He started SCREMAING FRANTICALLY LIKE A SPSYCHO!!!

"Ah, he must be off his meds." Wing said with a smile. 

Before Stick and Mon coudls 'stick' (HAHAHA OHBOYYY HAAA) the bugers in their pockets, they heard da screamz z of a madman and instead starting hurling them at him.

"YOU CANT CTACH ME FUCKCCKeRS!!" Pariston screamed. He then stARteD FLIPPING AROUND EVERWHERE IT WAS fUcking CRAZYYY!!!!!

"Quick!" Wing exclaimed as he tossed bottles of mustard and ketchup to Stick and Mon.

Stick had mustard. Mon had ketchup.

And the shooting commenced.

And then some Call of Duty shit was going on.

Pariston started camping like a motherfucker.

"hheeaa too bad for them im a pro in duty of call modern whorefare 666." he smiiedl.

"FUKCING CAMPeR SHOW YOUR ASS ALREadY!!" Stick SCREAMED!

Pariston cried. He had never been insulted in his life before that. So he came out from hiding like a lil bitch and went ON ANOTHER RAMPGAEE!!!

the others all guarded with burgers and ice cream sandiwches.

:ARISYON SCREAMED! "FUCKCKKFKFKFKV!" and he raged his ass up and started runnig.

But then he was squiarted with ketchup n mustard. AND GRAVY CAUSe Wing is boss.

"haha take that fucker !!" Mon shouted

Pariston cried agains but you see his crying was just a ploy to distract them and he haxxed all the way to the other side of Walamart.

"shit we lost him.. AGAIn." Stick sighed.

Then Zushi came running outwith literally a cube of 'beef.'

"SHIHONDAI THERE S ONLY THIS MUCH BEEF FLEFT!" he screamed.

"Wait what the fuck happened?" he asked.

"spkalry vampire showed up again and tried to kill us.. "stick sighed, "We got him good but he got away like a lil bitch... AGAIN."

"But how'd he get away??" Zushi asked?? Sushi was fucking cnfused?? How'd he get away with all the yellow gray and red cum on the floor????

lel he thought itwas cum HAHA.

"Hax" Mon answered, "That bastard is HAXORING!!"

Sushi gaspED!

H4X?!?!?

"Here, give me that." Zushi said . he forgot his manners!

Tick handed him the nearly empty bottle of ketchup. "But what can you do with thisS? its basically Empty..."

Zushi held up thr bottle of catsup and used the scope. (LMFAO ON KETCHUPPP???)

He searcdhed the building untuil he caught sight of a mtoherfucknig l33t h4x0r hiding behind a rotating chair.

What a dumbass! The chair was still spining, LEaving him very Open.

And like that, Zushi quickscoped him from across the map.

BOOM! HEADSHOT!

PAriston was knockedout cold.

"OMFG!!"" Everybody except Zushi screaEMd.

Wing wtf what have Yyou been teaching this KID!??!?

Wing patted sushi on the shoulder, "Nice accuracy, Zushi."

Zushi smiled like a BAMF badassmofo and his teeth shined you know like when team rocket blatsts off again ??? Yeah like that and it was rated E since it wasn't hisokas's cock shining.

lel.

Zushi dusted his clothes off, then said quite professionally, "He's down for nwow,but who knows when he'll get back up agiain. Imean he is a 4hx0r n all."

"So we must prepare for his second Cumming. he'll be more powerfufl next time, since it is said by the ELite Gaymers that all h4x0rs have 2 lifes, and when one dies once he will cum back much stronrger." Zushi conitnued;

"uhhh... How do youknow this...???" stick was fucknigscareD??? this Kdi was a bEAST!!!

"aahhh somebody on Zbox told me" zhushi said.

...

Wow.

So then Clow, Bananaanaa, and Kite showed up. 

"Oh are we too late??" Clow said with a frown.

"No the bastard will be back, if this kid is right.." Stick said poting to sushi.

They were confused? ?how'd this little shrimp nknow??

But they trusted him cus hes cute. <3

"Well, that's just perfect! Once he's back we can throw this condom at him and he'll be gone for good!" Kite said.

Wing scratched his head, "Isn't that kind of dangerous? We don't even know what'll happen to him once he's sucked inside..."

"Well if the condom gains a soul again we can always cut it up with scissors." Clow added thoughtfully.

"haha true"

And they all laughed. :)

And Ging was still fucking dead. 

:)

...

Kalluto somehoww mnagaed to survive the noodsies and she destroyed da TV!

"Phew at last. No more cclown cock..." she said as she wiped her head. Destoyring the TV was hard work.

But... while she was doing that the prane wasn't being piloted.

oh shit

OH SHIT!

OHHHHHHHH SHITIITTIT!

But dont planes have autopilot? lol.

Pfffft like Kullato would know that,come oon.

She sat back down and stared at the buttons for many minutes again.

"Hmm what's this do." she said as she pressed a bright blue button. She picked that one because it was the same color as Killua nii-chan's eyes. :3

The plane flipped upside down.

"Fucking useless tras h shit asshole btich wanker!" Kallutot screamED PRfonaNITyes and prsseed the button again.

The plane was 'right-side' up again.

"Phew... anyway..." she went back to looking at the buttons for several minutes again.

"what's this do." she pressed a pink one.

The plane shot missles.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

"WOAAH THATS AWEOSME!!" she sSCREaMED and she kept psuhing it.

Missiles were continuously shot andthey were headed for the blimpie!

lol

...

Speaking of the blimpie...

a battle was going on...

a very veru intense battle

A DANCE BATTLE!! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH!

They were playing Just Dance 4.

And they were ddancing Oppa Gangnam Style. On Kinect ofc.

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For now it was just Chrollo vs. Kurapika but the other brats wanted to play too.

Especially that goddamn nosiy Phinks.

and Shalnark was pretending to sing on a mic. 

Lol dude this isn't Rock Band 2 gtfo????

"haay ugly bitches pope pope pope pope popa gayman style" he sang in a dry voice lacking rhythm and enthusiasm.

"The fuck did we let hmi sing for?? " Shizuku asked.

"dunno maybe its cuz he has the biggest penis." Feitan answere.d

"WOAH!" Phinks SCREAMED!!

Chrollo and Kurapika were gettin down MAN.

but Chrollo -- That motheRfucker was winning. by JSUT 3 points!!!!!

"SHIT!" Kurapika YELEED in between dance moves.

Hisoka was fucknig amusing and turned on by danchou's dancing. "Danchou~ LEt me play next~!"

Illumi was happy for once and suckingon a lollipop. Leorio had given him one.

And Leorio was surpsied. Kurapika could dance???

that only made it funnier.

All the while Machi was still in the bathroom, still on the toilet, pooping. Or at least she was pretending to be 'pooping.'

The fuck is allth at Noise out there??? she thought.

They had no idea fucknig missles were being shot at them.

So the envelope of the bilimpie burst open in several places.

And they began falling.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH FUCKING SHIT WHO TURNED OFF THE WIFI!" Kortopi screamed. He had been trying to download DBZ yaoi fanart.

Then tHEY all SCREAMED!! THEY WERE FREEFALLING

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

Machi, who was in he bathroom, was forcefully flipped off the toilet and she was glued to the cieling because Gravity.

hey fuck science ok idc if that dont maek sense.

Chrollo was still trying to dance. Same with Kurapika. Their battle was just too instense.

Shalnark wass still sanging too but he chagned the song to fit the situation,

"and i'm freeeee... free falling....."

His voice still sounded like shit too. Geez.

"FUCKFCUCCKFUCKFUCK!!" Phnikns screamed as he grabbed Bae (feitan ofc. get it. Feitan. Baetan. ohbaybay....).

:MOTHERFUCKER GET OFF MEEE! YOU DIDNT EVEN WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER YOU PEED OUT THE WINDOW!!" Feitan SCREAMED as he tried to geT PHiksSinksy away.

"haha sorry" phinks apologized before Feitan managed to kick him outt he window.

"BABYNOO!!!!!!!!!" PHINKS SCREAMED!

Feitan (tried) to watch Phinks fall down.

"srry not sorry"

And Phinks was just falling... and falling..

"freeee fallingg..." Shalnark continued.

"Aaahh that fucker, "Phinks said as he closed his eyes and was falling majesticalyy ," i'mma fist him gUd tonight, just fr tHat, " ;)

And he was falling.

And he was falling.

Free Falling.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

haha no

...

TO BE CONTINUED?!?!?!??!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shit ending xD don't kill me i ran out of dialogue!!!!!!  
> hmm guess I should add Feitan/Phinks to the tags too huh.
> 
> Ja Ne my Kawaii Bitches~ xoxoxox Ceireice


	6. .evas yenoM .evil retteB

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the ideas, guys~ I'll definitely take them into consideration. <3

Kalluto snickered. She was proud of her hard efforts -- because goddamn, pushing buttons is like HARD work.

Little did she know Illumi nii-chan had been in that blimpie.

All it took was one call of him to their parents and Kalluto would be sent back home for anothe r spanking.

But Kalluto didn't fucking care anyway.

She continued snickering, then she relaized she wanted Snickers.

So she got up from the seat to go to the vending cmachine.

IT had snickers.

"Fuck yeah!" she exclaimed as she bit into a Snickers bar.

She didn't even pay for it haha.

The taste of victory was just too delicious.

"You know I just realized that our parents are obsessed with I's, U's, A's, and L's???" a random voice asked.

"WHAT THE FUFCK!!" Kalluto dropped her Snicker bar.

"Yeah, you know, like two L's. They're obsessed with that especially."

Kalluto gasped! "Milluki is that yor fat ass lurking???"

"Wtf? No."

Then they stepped out.

ofc it was Alluka :3

"so are you ganna eat that??" Alluka asked pointing to the Snickers on the floor.

Kalluto stared at her dumbfounded.

Alluka ate it.

"I think we get our chooclate loving from onii-chan!" Alluka exclaimed.

"WHY ARE YOU HERE?!?!?" Kalluto ScraEDM!

"Why not?" Alluka pouted, "I figured I'd finalaly get to see nii-chan again."

"GET OUT!" Kalluto scREAMED!

"Lol no." Alluka said, "besides you're younger than me, so where's the respect, eh?"

Kalluto threw a tantrum! She hated being the youngest!! Eveyone else except her could use that excuse :(

"Onee-chan don't cry!! I Promise we'll find killua TogeTHer!" Alluka tried to cheer up her baby sis.

"FUCK IKILUA!" Kalluto screamed

and then Alluka hugged her.

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

"There, there. I know you're just jealous of Killua and his tree boyfirend's close relationship." Alluka patted Kalluto on the head.

"NO! I juSt Wanna KILL SPDIERS!" Kalluto ExLCIAMED!

then a spider crawled by.

They stared at it.

Kalluto stared in horror and SCreREaMED!!

Then Alluka hugged her tighter "omg onee- chan is scared of arachnids? Good blackmail material."

"I mean uh,.. It'll be okay we'll find Kilua together!" She corrected herself quickly.

Kalluto wsa sill cryinyig.

Then she stopped.

"so wait whose cotrolling the plane????"

Alluka lagughed.

They both laughed.

And so the plane smacked into the World Tree and the back of the plane exploded.

Now that's what you call fluff.

...

 

Hey, speaking of Killua and histree boyfriend.

"He's sleeping... He's sleeping... He's sleeping.. He's sleeping..."

"He's sleeping... He's Sleepng.. .HE"S SLEEPING!"

Killua just couldn"T hndle THE FLUFF!

and Gon began to snore.

"GOD SO UNROMANTIC GEEZ!" Killua said tsundere-ly.

Then Gon started droolgng.

"OMFG I PAID 304058320 JENNI FORTHIS FSHIRT!!" and now it was covered in drool.

So Killua punched gon's hands.

and Gon was till sleepgng.

"MOTHER YIFFER!!" Killua screamed.

....Then Gon farted!

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"

Killua was crying.

Why was his byfriend so gross? so nasty? so unromantic? :[

But gNog could feel Killlera's warm tear drip onto his hands ,w hich were stll wrapped around him btwww.

"Killua, are you crying???" Gon was confused but he was also awake.

"NO IM NOT!" Killua exclaimned cquickly shaking the tears off his angelic fac.

"haha you're soooooo cryingign." Gon exclaimed.

and then he hugged Killua tighter.

Too fucking tight.

Killua awas chhoking.

"Opps sorry" Gon siad as he let go of his poor dying boyfriend.

"I HATE YOU!" Killua exclaimed.

"lol you won't be saying that after i buy you 60 pounds of Chocobrobo kun donuts from drunken DonuntS!"

Killua thought for a moment."Hmm... You have a point." 

So they both laughed like fuckign idiots

and Gon flew off the scooter.

"OMFG!!" Killua yelled!>!

"KILLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Gon scremaed and he was forcefully flung awwwaaaay .

Killua wtached as the boyfriend fell from shocking heights.

hope he doesn't have acrophobia :)

"Hmm shoud I try to save him or insead do awesome tricks on this scooter????" Killua asked himself

He thought for a very long time, about 10 minutes to be exact.

"nah i'll stay here Gon will be ok."

woW AsSSOHLE!!

...

Even after ten minutes, Gon was still falling. 

"I know Killua will come" he thought

but killua didn't

Because he's a mothefucker.

And Gon was struck by lightning.

"GaAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaAAH!"

Bye Gon.

XD

...  
.  
"Well, now what do we do???" Nobunaaga asked. They alreaddy reached ground level and the blimpie was destryoned. They were standing outside of it looking at the ruins.

And MAchi was still in the bathroom LOL.

She was locked in there.

"OPEN THE FUCKING DOROR! " She aSCARMED!

Nobody heard her.

LOL.

"Let's ask God for help." Chrollo said.

"haha Good idea. " Shalnark agreed!

"I can't~ God hates me~" Fuckass Clwon said.

Franklin added, "I can see why...... " 

So Chrollo put his hands together in a prayer, and he began to speak to God.

"God, help us."

...

God.

Basically Togashi.

but Togashi was too fucKNIG BUSY PALYING DRAGON QYEST.

And coming with excuses to not write a chapter.

"baby i'll write a chapter for u." Naoko said as she picked up his funky clothes to drag to the washer.

"Haha no you made killua look like a FAG!!!" hE SCREAMED aT HIS WIFE! (seriously guys look into that she did draw them)

Naoko was sad. She worked hard on that.

...

"Oh... I'm not receiving any answers." Chrollo said after five minutes of doingnothing.

"this is exactly why i don't do religio" Feitan said as he kicked a pebpble on the ground.

Then Kurapika sprang up adfter being ded for 15 mnutes and kicked Chrollo in the balls.

"aaaaA" chrollo said in lowercase letters.

Kurapika caught him off guard!

"haha nice" Leorio said.

Then Chrollo fell to the ground clutching his precious Dragon Balls.

"HOW YOU YOU HURT DACNCHOU YOU FUCKNIG TWINK!!" sHIZKU SNAPPED AGAIN OHSHIT!!

Butthen Illumi's creepy ass face appared in everyone's minds and they SCREMAED

ecept Chrollo he's already in despair.

"Boo." Illumi said.

THEY SCARMEED DMORE!!!

Meanwhile Machi was trying to find out What The Eff was going n outside. She could hear screams sand stuff.

"I'm surrounded by Fucking Idoitds." she said.

"So who won theDance Battle anyway." Franklin asked???

"Me..!!!" Chrollo forced a smile but the dESPair was TOO MUCH!!

"next time we're playing Person a 4 Dancing all night." Shalnark said. That was his favoritest game ever!!!!!

then a cat walked by and peed on chrollo.

lol

Then Hisoka walked over to him and nsiffed his ass.

"Smells like old man~" hesaid with a frwn. "Not schwing-worthy."

Then Hisoka started walking away, "I'm dissapoint~ So I'm lEAVING."

Nobody fucking cared.

Except Illumi.

"wait Hisoka don't leave me :(:(:(" Illumi chased after him.

And everybody stared at each other like wtf??

"So who wants to play poker." Feitan broke the ice.

"You can shove the poker cards up YOUR ASS!" Kurapika yelled!

That hurt Feitan's feelings.

"oh yea whatever happened to phinks??" Shizuku asked.

"lmfao who cares"

They all laughed.

...

Meanwhile Phinks was at Albertonsons looking for store brand pizza.

And sKittles.

"yo are these skittles hallal???" he asked the cahsier.

"Nope sorry we don't give a fuck about muslim morals sorry." the casher answered.

"IM NOTFUCKNIGF MusMLIM ITS FOR MY DIET OKAY!!" PHinks ScrEMAED!THAT WASAN INSULT TO HIS MANHOOD!

The cashier just laughed it off, "well i don't fucking care asorry you can go shop at a fag store like Kroger though."

Phinks punched a the casheir and stole all the money from the cash register.

"I'm going to leave abad review on Yelp." he said

And he did.

"1/5 they had good frozen pizza tho" - iSxyPhniksssk12394696969

...

While da fokls in the Wal-Mart waited for APrisniton to get the fuck u p agan Zushi told them abouthow he mamaged to kquicksopce 500 scrubs in cod.

"and you can subcribe to my youtube chanell it's MackleMorefan2003."

"haha okaywill do." Stick Dinner said.

...

Meanwhile aPrsiton was in his own hell . He was crying because Ging had died an d tchinically so did he.

"Was it because I looked at all thenudeson Ging's phone???" he asked to apparently bnothing.

"Oris it because i uncovered that pic of his UGLY CHILD!!???"

He wonderedhow such perfectin - Ging Freecss -- could create such an ugly abomination, his child.

"Ging we could've had much etter kids together..."he sobbed more...

and thats when he realized he was pregnant.

"ONG! I Must live again. For This child Of ours..."

He came back to reality and stood up again.

his aura was now evenmore h4x

and Neferpitou's En could sense it.

Because Pitou was shopping for kitty litter.

"hey guys i sense something " Neferpitou said

Shaiapouf was crying because he coudln't figure out which belt he should buy, he had to look gUd for the king right amirite??

and Youpi was trying on glases haha

"well what the FUcK!" pouf sacreamed!

"let's go check it out haha" Youpi added

So they did.

They saw Pariston going super SaiyAN!

"wow whats he doing" Pitou asked

"No fucking IDea!" Youpi exclaimed.

"I think he needs to shit???" Pouf was confused but also pissed. He paused his belt shopping for this sHIT?

so they just watched parIston do Apaprenlty nothing but scream.

"Maybe he can be the best man for the wedding." Pitou said.

cus Meruem and Komugi were getting married obvs. <3

"Yeah good idea." youpi agrred!

So they kidnapped PAriston.

Yeah.

....

haha.

...

"So what s this button do." Alluka said as her fingers reached for a a big red BUTTon.

"NO DONT PRESS THAT!" KALLuoTO scRAMED!"

And then Gings nudes popped up.

"MEOETHOERFUCKER!!" Kalluto SCREMAED!

Alluka satarted laughing, "haha look at how small his dick is!!"

then Kalluto noded, "Hey you're right"

and they laguhed.

lol

LOL

...

"KILLUA IT FUCKING HURTS!" GON SCAREMD ANGRILY!

WHERE THE FUCK WS KILLUA??!

"TOO BUSY BEING TRASH I SUPPOSE!" Gon SCARMED! OH SHT! HE SNAPPED!!

It was True! Killua Was too Busy Being Trash!

....

"weeeeee wooooo weeeeeeeeEEEEE woooooooo " Killuamicked the noises a siren amde.

Fucking annoying!

he was doing hella rad tricks.

On his bhobo scooter.

Yeah!

But then it exploded!

"FUCK FUCK FUCK!" He injuered his booty butt. :(

and he was falling.

haha fucker.

"Gon... Im sorry.. IS this how you punisih me??"

...

TO BE CONTINUED!?!?!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow Killua is such a pleb.


	7. .retteb evaS .yenom eviL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy.

Killua woke up about fifteen minutes later.

He rubbed his head, then sat up.

His legs ached.

When he held his head above his chest he could see the blurry version of the Phantom Troupe, just standing before him.

"sup scrub you seen phinks?? " somebody asked.

It was all still a little blurruy for Killua, though, fuck his eyesight he needed another minute.

So they waited for him to answer,

"Nah I haven't met Pinks sorry." Killua finally answered.

"Lol Pinks." Feitan said.

"well Whatever kid We need Youyr help!" said cHroollo.

"What? I dont even give afuck about you guys man." Killua answered, standing up and dusting his faggy jeans off.

"Please Please just thi sonce. " chrollo said, "Ifyou do it ill bbless your sneakers with holy water."

Killua had to think. He couldn't beat that. His shoes blessed?

Fuck yeah..

"Ok what is it??"he asked annoyed, though he wanted to know the effects of the waterholy.

"Can you pls tell your little blonde twink friendto stop tellingme to goto hell," Chrollo started, "I'm a good Christian and I go to church everyday, I repenet for my sins daily ok, and that's just not fucking kosher."

"hallall "Shizuku added,

"What the fuck? Are you fucking serious?! "Killua screamed! "I ddi not wake up for some shitty preaching sessino!!"

So Killua turned his backs to them and was startingng to walk away.

"so um... do we stop him??" Franklin saasked.

"Hmm let's get Machi first she knows how to deal with kidsies." Chrollo said

so they went back to the desttoyed blimpie, which was about a three imiunte walk lol.

Machi was still in the bathroom, the lokced door had been infused with nEN so hisoka couldnt get it.

But Hisoka was fucking gone so who fucking cares anymore!

Feitan knocked on th bathroom door, "knock knock"

"FEITAN YOU BETTER OPEN THIS FUCKING dROOR!" MAchi screamed from inside the bathomrom.

"Ok but Hisoka said he wants todo it is that ok??" asked Feitan, clearly being a fuckass.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Machi screamed.

Feitan laughed like a mpthorerfucker.,

"MOTHERFUKCKER YOU OPEN THIS DOROR RIGHT NOW!" She thn YELED.

so they opened the door

"fcuking FINALY!" MAch said as if she had beated a boss in Dark Souls 2.

"godddamn woman you STANK!" Shizuku covered her nose! For a woman to shit and smell like that wAS a SIN!

Machi was embarased she ate tacos for dinner the nightbefore. Damn clowns.

"Hahahaaha " Feitan waa sdying of laguhter at Shizuku's comment.

"Yeah Machi next time hve some perfrum or something on you for moment s like this, goddman ," Shalnark agreed. 

Machi bitch smacked all of them like a bitch! she thought bathrooms awere meant to stink :(

"Anyway, Machi, we need your help." Chrollo said with deep regret foropening the bathroom door. Even he couldn't hnadle the funk of her shittt.

Machi was surpprised and kinda sad dancho ugave het that look, but proceeded, "Yes?"

"We need you to tie this kid to Franklin's ass. You know the one who has a cloud o nhis from Yorknew." Chrollo asaid

"ok danchou, "

So they exirted the already destroyed ruin of a blimpie and set it on frie.

and they left to find Killua.

So they ran rlly relly fast.

"so why d o you gtotta tape him to my ass?? " Franklin asked???

"BECAUSEYouR ASS IS fUCKNIG LONG AND BIG!" Nobuanaga answered.

Eveyrone nodded.

...

Meanwhiele Killua had t o search for Gon.

Well e was a little scared to search to be honest. Hejust left his boyfriend like that..

"um Gon is a good eperson im sure he'll understand," killua reasssured himself.

But then Killua could hear Gospel music playng. IT was coming from behind and stedily appraching!

"These fuckassess are still following me??" Killua spat on the ground and turned around to see the Phantom Poop again.

"yo" he said,

"hey kid sit still ok we're gonna tape youto Franklisn' s ass?" Shalrkaneki said as Machi circled the cloudhaired assassin.

Killua said, "Um.. Fuck No! I have to find the Boyfriend!" 

"Listen yu lil hshit youcan find your monkey ass boyfriend LATER!" nBObodunaga scReamed!

Killu a was said. Only he coudl call Gon a Monkey. That waslike a asign ofaffection right??

But in his asadness he let his guard down, and Machi tied him up.

"FUCK!" He said!

Machi was happy , Dnchacou would praise her now.

then Chroolo picked up The Big Tape and started unrolling it.

Shit

it was Duct Tape!

Killua hated duct tape ever since he had that kinky duct tape RP on deivantart when he was 8!

Chrollo kept unrolling it thenhe rolledit into a ball shape and theBall was as big as Killua.

"Ok time to tapehim to Ass."

"Say hi to Ass, kid." Feitan teased.

They al lbegan to inch to killua, and Kliluua couldn't help but let out a scream!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! GON FREECSS I LOVE YOU BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

...

Those fools were stil lwatiing for Pariston!

"so um... It's been 30 minutes.." Kite said.

Wing made hotdogs for everyone, they were made of FoxBeaer meat. yummm

But Spinner Clow was vegan s o she had to deny.

"Uhm... Maybe he sucks at this game then." Zushi said. hewas confused as well, H4xors usually took no time to spwan somewhere else, did this guy suck THAT BAD?

"How about we instead reapir the wall?? We're just wasting ourtime watiting for the fag." Monta said,

Everyone agreed!

So they began to rebuild the wall that was broken. It was still a Big Hole and flies and birds were flying in. Gross!!!

A bird pooped on Gings dead body!

haha

So after30 minutes of hard labor, the wall was finsihed being reparied.

"haah that was tuogh but it looks good as knew!" Stick Dinne rsaid.

"OH yeah i forgot thy were flying.." Zushi thought in his poorlittle head.

"Um Master we still have another problem. Gon and Killua are still out there somehwere??" Zushi said aloud.

"You're right, Zushi." Wing ssanswere,d" Let's go see if they're still trying to make it to space."

So wing got his telescope and they all looked through it.

No sigh of gon and killua but they did see a plane with a broken ass and were very confused.

"No, Killua and Gon were in a scoote.r.. Like the ones f-"

"Yeah yeah we know, "Kite cut off Zushi.

"What's this plan e then??" Banana asked.

"I have No idea.. But it looks broken from the back, Perhaps the people inside are in danger." Wing said.

then they all laughed cause who gives afuck?

"We're Wal-MArt!" Stick Dinner cheered!

...

"The fuck is this??"

"Your majesty, this is...." ... "Welll Fuck, I don't know either."

The Royal Guards had brought Pariston to their king . :)

"Can we eat him?" Pouf rolled his eyes.

"No , no more eating huamsn. That's a bad practice now because my wife is human." Meruem said.

"well dang, " youpi said.

"We thought he'd make a good best man for the wediding, you see. "Pitou exlaplined.

"But the best man has to be a relative or friend of the bridegroom..." Meruem stated blankly. He had been reading a wedding planner days before all this shit.

"Well it's not like you have any friends or relatives other than us, so..." Youpi said.

"haha true!" Meruem said, "Ok fine he can be the best man."

Pouf cried. He wanted to be the best man orignally since he couldn't be the Bride but he was under the kings orders so like no.

"You three go check on my woman ok, Im gonna go confront the cook and see how big the cake is." Meruemsaid before walking away.

The three ryoal guards nodded before they also walked away, but they got lost since the house was Too Fcuking Big.

...

"alrite kid stay still," Sharlnakrn said as hepicked up killua by the tape and started walking towars Franky.

But then the tape was stuck to him as well so fuck.

"Fuk im stuck too." he said looking t o the other members of the trouep. "Don't just fucking stand there help me!"

Killua usedthis opportunity to use his claws and try to cut through the tape, bt the tape was just Too Big and Too Strong.

"I hatethe duck tape fetish... " Killua blankly thought.

So theothers tried tofigure out how to get the tape off Shalnark.

And they did.

But since the tape was so trstong and managed to get stuck to his hairs, Shalrnark lost half his hair, so like half his head was bald.

"Nice Haircut, fag." Kortopi said before getting back to playing Super Smash Bros 3DS. He hadn't helped wth anything the whole time. Fucker.

Shalnark was PISSED he just had his hair done at the salon today! 

Chrollo had to admit, he looked fucking stupid!!! "Hahahahahahahhaha!1!11"

In fact they all laughed.

Kilua sighed, I'm surrounded by fuckign Idiots! He thought.

Hemanaged to tear the tape just a little.

I'm never rping ever again, he thought once more, but he knew he also wanted to finishe the furry RP he was doing wtih Gon on NeoPets.

But during all of the laughter, somebody lost their head.

WHAT?!?!?

Their head was hacked off by a CHAINSAWW!!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!

"KORTOPI LOST HIS HEAD!!" Nobunigger SCReAMED!!!

They all screamed, cept Killua. Why?

Cause he knew it was them... It was.

Twinky blonde and fagghot in a suit.

"MY fFriends..." Killua thought with joy, then he yelled aloud, "PlS gET THIS TAPE OFF ME."

so like Kurapika hepled him with that while Lerioror re kicked Kortopi's head around like a soccoer ball. 

Killua only lost ten strands of hair which if fucking nothing in his sea full of hair,so yeah.

"Thnaks man butdang what took you so long, " He asaid, fucking ungrateful brat.

"We unfortunately made the poor desicision of following Hisoka to a gay bar..." Kurapika answered honesltly.

"LOL!!! HAHA WHAT??!!" Killua was surprised.

"We got ssepepared from the spiders... somehow... Anyway hat's not th e point Let's not talkabout that... "Kurapika said, "so then why were you wrapped in tape..???"

"Uh..." Killua said, "Let's not talkabout that ok." That hit him hard. That duct tape kinky RP was just tpoo much MAN!

"Wait where'd Leorio learn his chainsawwing skills from??? " Kilua asked. He was confused?? What the fuck ???

Leorio somehow heard and had time to answer in between his battle with Sharlnakrnkr the half bald bitch, "I leanred my chainsawing skills from MV Surge!"

"What the fuck,. "Killua said.

"Nevermind that," said Kurapika with a sighed, and when he opened his eyes they were bloody red. BLOODLY HELL!!

"I suppose I should ask of Gon's whereabouts later, right now I want to get VENGEANCE!!" Kurapiaka screamed BefROe running to Chroollo.

then Killua ran to shizkuk because he hates women. theyremind him of bisky who owns a cookie factory now.

Chrooloo was busy reading bibiel verses to mourn for his poor headless freidd.

But he saw Kurapickt and smield his cocky smile , which again was as big as his cock.

Small.

"Haha ayou think you can fight me, Chain user???" Chroolool o aske

"Wanna bet?" Kurapika asked.

"haha n o I alwys lose bets..." that hit chrollo hard....

"Good. Just what I need!" so kurarpickt wrapped chroolo in chainz.

"5 chainz motherfucker" he said.

And Killuuuaa kciked Shizuku in he vag and she dcried!

"haha bitch!"

so Machi tried to use her nen treads to wrap him again but LEorio sliced her arm off. Lol.

And It was a fun day.

A fun day.

Yeeeaahh

But then another challenger showed up!

IT was...

Gon MotherFucking FReecss.

"Killua Zoldyck You Fucker." he said.

Killua lokoked at him and SCREAMED! "OHSHIT!!"

...

TO BE CONITNUED?!?!?!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kill meeeeeeee. :)


	8. .evas eviL .retteb yenoM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait I was busy writing *other* fanfics haha so enjoy.

"Killua Zoldyck You Fucker." Gon said.

Killua lokoked at him and SCREAMED! "OHSHIT!!"

Killua backed away.

"Uh.. Gon, hi! I-"

"Killua..."

Killua backed away. Why did Gon have to make him feel this way?

Make him feel this waaya...

Make him feel lieke he needed 2 shart.

Killua held back a fart as he gasped loudly.

The Phantom Poop stopped their shit to see this.

Same with Kurapika and Leorio, at least after he sliced off Machi's other arm.

"Lover's Quarrel??" Shizkzuk asked to Chrolley.

But Cheeriolo was wrapped in chianz you see so he couldnt rellly talk, "mmpphhhh mpphhhhmmppp hhhh mpmphhhhhh mpmmmmmmphhhh mphhhhhmmmphhh"

"MohefUcker wahT?" Shizziuku asked but then she was punched in the b00bies by shalrkrlsk becaus ehe's stupid.

"Killua...." Gon said.

Killua is on the verge oft ears. "Look, Gon. I'm sorry I didn't mean 2leve you baby I just-"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT PLANE CRASHED INTO THE WRORLRD TREE?!?!" Gon suddenly shouted.

the atmosph emre turned gloomy.

"wtf" everoynoen though.

"ALL THE NIcE CREATURES LIVVING IN IT COUDL BE HURT NOW!!!" Gon was sad.

Gon was tearerinrg up.

Killua sighed, kinda. It was onlyyly ythis ? well atleast gon isn't gonna ppppppppppppunnnch ihim in the bllasies.

"Sorry, I should have told you..." Kilua said, walking over to his sss sad Bf.

"We HAVE TO HELP THEM!!!" Gon SCreameD!

Kliiera nodded.

So theyee left to inspect the wRorlrEd Tre.eEE .

Cause Gon is a tree baby.

haha

"cya losers" Killua said.

"WatEver We didn't need U anyway." Kurapika replyed.

Then SaHAKLenArkels. SCREMAeD "WOW FUCK THIS DUMB DDSADFG FQWTEYRTDFS FUVKER AHHQ WF DQ DQIRY SDFGH DAIRY QUEEN!"

Leorio sliced his half-bald ass head off too.

Bye Shalnark.

Macihci was also dying since she was losing too much blooddl from her arms. She cried.

Kurapika shoved one of his chainz up cherroe's Ass and made him cry "MOMMY!!!"

Kurapika thought, "Wow, it's like a dream come true... The Phantotm Douches are suffering...!"

He licked his lips. "Finally. I can send them to HELL!!!!"

But then Phinkns showed up with hallal skittles singing soemthing about Baetan'ss ass.

Feitan cringined. What the fuck bae.

PHinkss dropped his skittles and screamed.

"OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED??!?!"

"It..s.... A long storry." Franklin answered as Leorio shoved the Chainsaw up His aSs.

Franklin dies from being penenetrated Too Deep and it cutt him up on the insidne anyway lol.

Phinks dropped his shittles and they spilled out of the bag.

Kurapika tripped over the skittles and falls over, pssing out.

Chrollo still has a chain up his ass.

haha

Phinks walked over to Kurapika, then kicked his body but since the chainz were still in cHrollo assie he flew away with Kurapika.

"BOSSS!!" Phinksns SCREMAED.

"Nice job, dumbass." Feitan facepalmed.

Leorio screamed cause Kurapika,bae.

He started to run toards Pinks, the gayest fffaggg man.

...

"How the fuck do we get outta heret tho??" Alluka asked her sister.

Kalluto had no fucking idea. She just blew a hole in the plane, as far as she could remember.

"I punched a hole in it kinda. Let's go find the hole." she answered.

So Alluka and Kalluto search for a hole.

But then Alluka spot s something "OH MY GOD LOOK!!!"

Kaluto walked over to teh windowow to see and they saw it.

Gon and Killua.

"OHGMGMG"! Kauauaalltot screamed and she grabbed aalluka and hid in the fridge with her.

"wtf??" Alukka assked.

"If they see me they'll call daddy and then ill get another spanking :(" she answered.

"Um.. onnii-chan is nice why would he do thaT??? He doesn't even want to go home."

"Killau doesn't fucking care about me OK. ONly you."

"I doubt he's that mean." So alluka climbed out of the beer fridge and played loud music in the plane so Gon and Killua could tell somebody was in there and alive.

It was porn music.

LAWL.

"ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm." Kalluto hid deeper in the fridge. "I wasn't apart of her plan OK???"

...

Gon saw a dead squirrel on the ground under the World tree.

He cried a little.

"KILLUA LOOKAT THIS THIS IS CRUEL!!!" he scrmmeed.

Killua nodded but really, he didn'tfucking care it was just a dumb squrrel to him.

"It looks like the plane is stuck, let's try to help the people inside." gon said ashe began to climb the tree.

Killua followed with a sidgh but Gon was so cute how could he resist????

And from where he was climbing, right under Gon, he could see Gon's ASSSS!!!

Killua blushshhed and says, "GOD DAMMIT I'LL BE THE ONE TO CHOOSE WHAT U WEAR TOMORROW!!!"

Since you know, Gon still isn't wearing ANY FUCKING BOXERS! DUMB ASS!!

Gon ingores him because he saw a dead butterfly pearched on a branch. He picks it up with one hand and cries more.

Killua wanted to punch Gon but he doesn't.

So after 5 minutes of more crying, Gon climbed higher.

They reached the plane.

But the entrance was blocked haha.

So Gon punched a hole in it and rolled inside.

Killua followed him on Twitter.

"HELLO? IS ANYONE IN THERE???" Gon asked.

"no" Klluto answerdd from the whiskey frigde but ofc nobody could hearher.

Killua heard it thought, cause thats his Sis.

Then Allukaa came running and hugged onnichan "OINIICHANN!!!"

Killua patted her head. "You rascal, what are you doing here in a plane?"

"I followed Kalluto-neesan here!!" Alluka chan smiles.

"W-W-What?? Kalluto is here?" Killuasked.

Gon opened the beer fridge looking for beer but found whsikey instead. And a little girl.

"Is this your other sister, Killua?" Gon asked confused as hell..

"Uh..." Killua rushed to the fridge to see.

It was inddeed Kalluto, he tought.

kalluto hides in a can of beer.

Killua pulled her out.

"Why are you here too??" he asked, confused.

"Umm.. I wanted to kill spiders..." she admitted with a blush. Shewas caught oh no.

"Spiders?" Gon asked.

"Yes... The um... Phantom Troupe..." Kalluto said. "They were in a walmart blimp that they stole so i robbed a plane and chased after them."

She then coonitued, "But for some reason theblimp was destroyed and before I knew it, I crashed into the World Tree..."

"And Alluka followed you?" Killua asked.

"Yes, I thought she was Milluki's fatass at frist but I honestly had no idea."

Killua looked at alluka.

"I wanted to see you, onii-chan!" Alluka ran over to him and hugged him again.

"And your boyfriend hahahahahaa" she then sayed,

Gon smiled. "Un!"

Killua blushshehdd and said, "W-wwhwhat are you talking about ? Gon and I are just-"

"trees" Kalluto finishes.

what the fyck.

"Was there anyone else in this plane?" Gon asked.

"No, just the two of us... I think." Kalluto answered.

"Well, tha'ts a relief." Killua said with a sigh of reflief.

"BUT YOU TWO KILLED A LOT OF NICE CREATURES, YOU KNOW???!" Gon scaremems he is sad.

"im sorry" Alluka said, "Gon nii chan forgive us wejust.."

"Well is ok." Gon said and he laughsit off cause hes dumb.

They all laughs for a while until Killua relaizes he still needs to shit.

"Uh bRB TOILET!!" He screamed as he ran into the plane bathroom. Luckily that wasn't destryoed.

Gon looked at Killua's sisters and said, "LEt's all go together."

Alluka is confused??

"To kill the spiders." Gon said with an evil grin.

WHA TTHE FUKCK?C?

They laugh again and agree, yeah let's kill those mtohefuckers!

Eventually Killua is out of the bathroom, after like 20 minutes becaus ehe needed to sneak into another stall to get tissue for his ass, and he waved.

"Kurapika and Leorio were fighting spiders when we left, Gon." he said.

"I know, I know. I was telling your sisters that we should all kill the spiders. Together." Gon said. Then he flashed that creepy grin again.

WHAT THE FYUCKCKC.

Killua was happy tho. He was so glad to have such a good bf.

So they all jump out of the plane.

And they fall becasue they jumped out of the plane, which was stuck to the tree.

The plane fell too.

They avoid being hit by it because Mother Fuck.

...

Phinks picked up the last skittle he dropped.

What afuciking waste!

Feitan eats it like a mtothefucker.

"BABY WHY THAT WAS THE LAST ONE NO" Phnisnsk screamed.

"o srry" Feitan replied.

Leorio was on the ground, covered in a pool of blood.

:(

Phinks had punched him really hard, and feitan destroyed his glasses.

:(

"Is this the end...?" Leorio thought while Phinks and Feitan argued over pointless shit like skittles.

He closed his eyes.

"Kurapika, bae......."

...

...

...

"VROOM VROOM MOTHERFUCKER."

It was Gon,

Killua,

Alluka,

and Kalluto.

Riding a Unicorn.

Fuck Yes.

"NEIGHHHH" The pony said.

"horsey kill that midget over there ok??" Alluka commanded the horse.

The Unicorn rushed over to Feitan the spazzy midget, with its head down so its horn wsas pointiting out.

it stepped on Leorio in the process lol

And up went the hRON up FeitanS ASS!

He was too busying justifuying his reason for eating the shittles.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

OAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Phinks strached his head, "owch tthaats gotta hurt." he said "oh well he did eat my skittles ha abastard i love u tho."

Feitan grabbed his buttcheeks. The pain was 2 much.

The unicorn cotinued rushing and then it shook its head until feitan's bloody ass flew off the horn.

Feitan flew over a rainbow.

Bye Feitan.

ShizZuKU SCRWEAMED! WHAT THE FUCK!

"I love My Little Pony," Killua admitted.

Then everyone cheered for Alluka.

"yay!"

"Wait where'd you get a uicorn from anyway??" Kalluto asked.

"Um... Costco." Alluka answere.d

Killua and Gon don't really caretho and they jump off the pony.

Killua stroked the horse's mane.

"I will call you Pinkie Pie." he said.

That was the name of his favorite horse from the show.

But the horse was actualy green what the fuck.

He didn't even name it Gon???

Ass.

Gon nodded, though. "Pinkie Pie is a great name for a unicorn." he agrred.

Pinkine Pie isn't even a unicorn???? What the fuck?????

Then Gon rushes over to Leorio cause hey basically stepped on him haha and Killua galres at Phinks, who was staring at his sister Kalluto's ass.

Killua is a good brother.

Phinks licked his lips. He had a kimono feitsh.

He tried to get Feitan to wear one but I'm sure you know what happened. Lol.

Killua Scremaed "Fucking PEdoPHile Don't look At MY SISTER!!"

Kalluto waz like wut??? and she blushed realizing Phinks actually stared at her ass.

"NIGGER!!!" She yells, sllapping his face 600000 times.

Phinks cries.

"Leorio! What happened to Kurapika??!" Gon asked his frinened.

"Kura...pika.... is....." Leorio coughed blood.

"Yes? Yes? Where is he?" gon continued.

"Gon.... You aren't wearing any boxers are you??" Leorio asked. hhahahahaha

...

...

...

"no" Gon said plainly.

Then Killua shows up and says, "hahaa old man is dying!!!"

Gon punched him and said, "I don't need no boxers. I am a Real Man now. Real Men don't wear boxers!!"

"They wear thongsssssssssssssssss." Killua added.

Leorio was like wtf???

"HMmmmmmmmm I should convince Kurapika to wear one then." Leorio nosebled everywhere haha.

"NO LEORIO YOURE LOSING TOO MUCH BLOOD!!!" Gon started crying his friend was dying nooo.

Then Leorio said, "No. ITs okay its all that dumb asshole with the skittles fault, Gon."

Gon looked over his shoudler to see Pihinksy getting smacked the fuckup by Kalluto.

Alluka came over to them with Pnikine pie and the retarded horse started licking up the blood.

"umm.." Killua said.

"wha th e fuck??" Gon said.

"Alright Pinkle Stinkle pie apologize forstepping on this ossan alright??" Alluka said.

The unicorn just stood there.

"Say, 'Sorry!'" Alluka commanded.

Leorio was ccrying on the inside. The pony's breath stanked.

Then Alluka kicked the unocirn and it spat out rainbowsand sprakles which majikally healed leroirors and his glasseess.

"yay" Gon said!

"Hmph, I should teach this horse ammners,! "Alluka exclaimed.

"Yeah, you should," Killua said.

Kalluto finished slapiping the piss out of phinks and he passed out. The kimomgomono was too much for him to handle!

his boner fell off and broke

haha

fag.

now it was Mahci and Shisizku. oh and Nobunigger haha

they were all scared and confuseD??? What The Fuck fuck aSs?

"Anus." Armless Machi said.

Yeah.

So... What happened to Kurapika..?

Chrooloo was walking around with a chian in his anus. It hurt his anus more cause theres a Death note in there as well, and his hemorrhoids.

"Fucking kids this is not play time anymore." he said as he dragged a passed out Kurapika around.

"MAn this Asshole is heavy! " He thgouht.

...

TO BE CONTINUED!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hit writers block several times here so if you sharted while reading this, fuck your chicken.


	9. Always Low Prices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eheheheheh sorry for the long wait

So half of the Phantom Troupe was *basically* dead...

Okay, no. MORE than haflf of the Phantom Troupe was *basically* dead.

Franklin died due to chainsaw penetration, Phinks was smackced to death, Feitan was penetrated by a unicorn's horn and flew over a raianbow, Pkaunoda was already fucking dead, same with UvoGAY, Shalnark's head was sliced off, same with Kortopi.

All that wasa left was Machi, Shitzuku, Nolbolbunigger, and of course Chrolley the Trolley, everybody's favorite tank engine.

But then Machi fell over and died. Her arms were sliced off and she bled out 2muchblo0od4u.

So she died.

"OMG!!!" Shizuku screamed. That was like, soooooooo shocking.

"Don't worry everything will be ok. danchou will be back soon." Nobunaga reassured. "He just texted me on his smartphone!"

"hmmm.... Ok." Shizuku said. She had to think about that for a miunute.

What if that was actually the Chain User?

She wanted to doubt it was boss-san but at the same time she didn't want to betray her trust for him, so she dididn't say anything to NobunaGaga.

Because he was Lady Gaga.

OOOOOOOOH

BUSTED!

found out your true indentity scrub, can't fool anyone with a shit alias like that.

I mean, come on. Nobunaga. NobunaGAGA.

Called it.

Shizuku took out Blinky and Blinky Barnes (she just figured out a good last name for it) started sucking up dead bodies.

Gon, Killua, and the gang (because fuck everyone else right???) watched as she cleaned up.

"She'd make a good housewife." Leorio said.

Shizuku cringed. "SHutT THE FUCK OLD MAN YOU CANT EVEN gIT A WIFE URSELF." oh shit she snapped!

"its ok i have kurapika." he said.

But where was Kurapika??

...

So Chrollo, who was making his way back, suddenly realized.

"Oh, i look like fucking shit. If i'm gonna have to fight i should At Least look Gud."

So he stopped at the gay bar and went into the bathroom to do his makeup.

Yes, Kurapika is still there he's being dragagged into the bathroom too.

Gross.

"yo man whys there a dead guy following you???" some guy who finished taking a piss asked. He didn't even zip up his pants ew.

"He's my fuckbuddy, sorry." Chrollo answered plainly as he reapplyed the LipStick.

Personally, he enjoyed Maybelline. He was a Maybelline sort of guy.

The random guyshrugged and didn't even zip his pants, gross ass..

He wasn't even going to wash his hands either!! Oh my gooodd.

Then Chrollo turned his head and saw the peepee and he was like ;) hey whats your number.

"My number is 666-666-666-666." the man answered.

Chrolley gasped! 666 was his unlucky number that number was not good for him.

The Devil's numbeR!

"ummm... Are you the devil?" Chrollo asked as he pulled out a really big cross and flashed it at the man.

The man scratched his ass in confusion. "dude if you're religioous what the fuck are you doing at a gay bar???"

Chrollo cried. He hated when people asked him that.

So he pimp smackled the guy with his cross and shoved it up his butt.

He then wrote in the Death Note, whichcc he coniently pulled out of his ass.

It hurt his anus but he did it.

"smelly gay bar bathroom fag dies from being DEEPTHROATED." he wrote down.

He was obsessed with haveing people killied via deepthroating.

It was like his fetish or something, idk.

But little did he know that smelly gay bar bathroom fags from everywhere around the world were dying from being deep throated.

Wow what a fucker.

"oh shit i didn't get his name..." Chrolley said.

"Whatever."

He then applied blush, mascara, fixed his eyelashes, arched his eyebrows, did 6000 squats (gota get that ASS on Point), polished his nails and toenails (very important, what if his fuckbuddy has a kink for feet ehh??), used eyeliner, reapplied his hair gel, and put on his kitty butt plug. All which took 30 minuetes to do.

wow waht the fuck?

Afterwards, he flicked his gelled-back hair (but it didn't move) and flawlessly perfected his Fag Walk around the bathroom.

If you thought Hisoka was bad, get a load of this Farquaad!

He was about to walk out of the bathroom until he noticed something.

"OMG GLORY HOLES!!!" he Screamed!! "I LOVE GLORY HOLES YAY!"

And there he went.. TO INSPECT THE GLORY HOLESL!

Poor unconcious Kurapika.

...

Gon and the gang watched Shizkuk clean up for 30 whole minutes.

"Yup. Patient and everything, definitely good housewife material." Leorio confirmed.

SHITzuku was pissed. "HEY NOBUNIGGER WHEN IS BOSS COMING BACK EH?"

Nobunaga was looking at his phone the whole time and he hdadn't received any new mesessages.

He was sad. He had no frieneds other than his good frieneds in the Phantom Troupe.

"UMMM. He hasn't replied to my last message... Yet." Nobunaga answered.

"YET? YET EH? FUCK YOU AND YOUR HPONE WAIT WHY DO YOU HAVE A PHONE I THOUGHT YOU wERE BAD WTIH TECHNOLOGYL??" Shizuku was very pissed as you can tell.

"Hisoka taught me how to text." Nobunaga answered. "I still can't figure out how to make phone calls tho"

Shizuku face palmed.

No wonder his texts always had gay clown faces and emoji and such. Damn Hisoka!

Meanwhile just five meters away, Alluka and Kallluto were trying to feed their new pony.

Their green pony Unicorn.

Alluka fed it Lucky Charms but it ended up burping and farting discolored rainbows.

"Uhh.. No. It's Roy G. Biv." Kalluto said as she fed teh stupid horse real Four Leaf Clovers.

"Ehhh? Then what's the G stand for, hUH?" Alluka asked angrily because she was mad that her unicorn was sharting discolored rainbows.

"GAY!" Gon cheered.

"Roy GAY Biv?" Alluka asked.

"Roy GAY Bitch more like." Kalluto answered.

After eating four leaf clovers the unicorn farted and burped normally. Like normal unicorns would.

But the poop was green. Not normal.

Kalluto gasped! "Shit i forgot ducks eat grass so they poop green"

Then the unicorn walked over to Gon and started chewing on the spikes on his head.

Gon laughed even though he knew he was going to go bald if the unycorny didn't stop.

Killua smackeld the horse. "No you dumb fuck that's my boyfriend and if he's bald he'll be ugly and i won't like him anymore his hair is his best feature you see i only like him because of that even though he takes me out on lots of dates including wal mart dates you see those are good dates too but anyway i like Gon's hair for Gon's hair and Gon's hair-"

"WHAT THE FUCK ONII CHAN!" Alluka screamed. "SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE."

Killua was sad.

Gon stil laguhed even though Killua was sort of an asshole.

Shizkuk cried because she was surrounded by idiots and a unicorn.

She was sad, why did most of the beloved phantom Poop have to die?

Everyone... Everyone was dead...

But WAIT A MINUTE.

We're forgetting somebody here!

There's still like, another member of the Phantom Troupe.

UMMM Hello.

Mr. Bonolenov.

So like Bonolenov showed up playing a saxophone because he realized he ws 2swag4flutes.

Then he stopped.

"Am I looking at the young version of Gendo Ikari?" he asked as he looked at Leorio.

"WHAT?!?" everyone GASPED!

"Wh...Wh....What are you talking about???" Leorio asked nervously.

"Gendo... Why, Gendo... It's been too long." Bonolenov said as he dropped his instrument. "I... Can't believe it."

"It's real... It's all real..." he continued.

"What the fuck are you even talking about?" Gon out-of-characterly asked.

"You see, Gendo and I were good friends..." Bonobono said as a tear formed in one of his eyes, "Well, not really at first. He used to pick on me a lot and give me wedgies back in our college days..."

The tear rolled down his holey cheek. "It was like love at first fight. That first wedgie he gave me made me realizie something. Something within me i couldn't hide, I couldn't resist..."

Killua blinekd. "THe Fuck is this Shakespeare Bullshit."

But what was Shakesspeare.

Meanwhile Poor Leorio was confused as FUCK???

I mean people on the streets wwere always like "Ahaah! Look it's young Gendo!" or " A Gendo cosplayer hahaha" or "Big Daddy Gendo" but he wasn't used to THIS?? What the FUCKFUCK???

Gon gasped, "Leorio! You birthed Shinji Ikari?!"

Killua and his sisters gasped too!

"Wh-wha....?" Leorio asked, fuckingscard.

"Leorio! I thought I could trust you, we could trust you. But if you gave birh to that piece of shit i can't be your friend. Sorry."

Gon turned his back to the future doctor.

Killua did too. "I have to admit, Kowaru is very fucking gay..."

Killua's sisters turned their backs in disgust as well. "I dont even know this fucking old man but Shinji fucking sucks ass Kowaru Ass."

Leorio was sad, "What?/ What are you guys talking about?"

Bonolenov continued, "Anyway, I relized i was in love, madly in love, with Gendo but you see that fucking piece of shit Shinji. He walways got in the way. He even tried to fuck an alien ... well actually he did and it was gross."

"IT was hard to believe that such perefection like Gendo could create such a shitty kid. Ugh." he contnued, "So for some time I distanced myself from Gendo but only until my heart couldn't take it anymore. We had grauduated by then and on the day of our gradutation, I confessed my hot feelings for Gendo."

Bonolenov's face turned grim suddenly. "But he rejected me... He said some things about being commander of NERV and his shit son and how the holes on my body were unattractive and some other things."

Leorio fucking blinked.

"He also gave me one last wedgie before he ran away. I think he was sad cuz i felt a tear from him hit me in the face, so I realized that maybe... heactually felt the same way for me!!"

But in reality, the 'tear' Bonolenov felt was... 

er... how should i put this.

ass sweat.

Gon was picking his nose.

Killua was reapplying his mascara.

Alluka was spanking the unicorn.

Kalluto was fanning herself.

Shizuku wanted to kill herself.

Nobunaga was playing Angry Birds.

Leorio was touched by the holey man's sotry, but... he wasn't fucking Gendo.

"Sorry dude but I-"

Bonolenov took Leorio's hands. "Gendo, it looks like you either shedded 30 years on your life or you were reborn complteley. We must get married now and adopt lots of kids which i'll also put holes in yes let's do it."

Then he started singing Crash - Let's do it by Crashman.

Leorio screamed and backed the fuck away.

Then Kalluto chanted, "Girl, you looks good so won't you back that ass up."

"You'se a fine motherfucker won't you back that ass up." Alluka chimed in!

Killua was surprised they knew of this, but then again Alluka liked listening to naughty rap music so it was fine. I guess.

Gon backed that ass up.

Killua cried because Gon still had no boxers on.

Nobunaga finally reached level 5 of Angry Birds. He was happy.

Shizuku really wanted Chrollo. Like she was thinking about dry humping him now.

Eew.

...

Meanwhile, back at the lovely Wal-Mart, a rescue squad was sent out to find and capture (more like save) Gon Freecs and Killua.

It was being run by Wing-san since Zushi made a big deal about the importance of Gon and Killua's very strong relationship.

"If it fits, it ships," he had said to them.

So while some of the team joined the rescue squad, Kite said he'd watch the Wal-mart. 

Cause surely some customers would come in, right?

No.

Either way, Kite knew that deep inside his heart, something was telling him to stay there.

And he would find it.

Mon was a little worried about that. What if he found Ging???

Still, he had no choice but to join the rescue squad. He shipped KilluGon so hard it wasn't even funny.

To see the beautiful couple disappear from the face of their earth would be horrible.

They ditched the idea of killing Pariston because they figured he probably was a really sucky hacxorr and he really was was dead.

Oh yeah, speaking of him.

...

"umm... what is that." Komugi asked because the royal guards had 'showed' (even though she's blind?) her the best man for the wedding, Pariston.

She couldn't see him, but she could sure as hell hear his screaming.

Going Super Saiyan was intense, important, serious business shit.

Pariston was halfway through the process. Just tenthousand more seconds of manly yelling and he'd be able to kill that Ketchup squirt.

But wait... Where was the ketchup squirt.

Running the rescue suqad, but he didn't fucking know.

At this moment, he was blinder than Komugi, but metaphorically.

"Well we're not really sure either, but we thought he'd make a good best man for the wedding???" Youpi said but he was still fuking confused.

Pouf had finally found a belt so he was happy.

Only semi-happy though because Komugi was there and he hated her for beingthe bridde like why couldn't he be the bride he knew he'd look better in that dress.

"Pouf, stop it. You already know you'd look like shit in that dress." Pitou said. Wait Pitou could read his thoughts?

Pouf was sad.

...

Kurapika opened his eyes to see white.

And some light.

"Hm...?" he said as he regained his senses.

What he was staring at was a bathroom ceiling.

"Where am I...?" he asked as he sat up.

Though he wished he didn't.

"OH MY GOD!" he yelled as he saw it.

Chrolley.

Chrollo was sad because he had been sitting in a bathroom stall staring at a glory hole waiting for someone to be on the other side so fun things could happen.

But like no.

Nobody even entered the bathroom after him.

So he was cyrying on the inside.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" Kurapika asked as he stood up and punched Chroolilooo in the face.

Chrollo looked up at him sadly. He hoped his tears had dried cause he had been crying there for about 20 minutes.

"What the fuck are YOU doing HERE?" Chrollo restated the question. He tried to sound badass but even Kurapika could hear the sadness in his voice.

"Wow, you're that cheap that youou'd do it in a public bathroom?" Kurapika asked as his eyes flashed red.

"OMG SHUT UP EVER SINCE HISOKA LEFT THE TROUPE I HAVENT BEEN GETTING ANY ACTION." Chrollo became very emotional.

Kurapika laguhed, "As if Hisoka would ever give you action. Other than fighting."

Chrollo stuck his tongue out to be a jerk to Kurapikasa but Kurapika jerked the chain that was up Chrollo's asss.

Chrollo Cringed. That really hurt his anus. Like it tore some of it even more, god.

That sounds painful.

"Also, why the fuck does it look like a clown did your makeup?" Kurapika asked once inspecting Chrollo's hideous face. "Actually, I think a clown does a better job espeicially seeing how much better Hisoka does his."

Chrollo was sad. That hurt his feels.

"SHUT UP FUCKER!!" He said as he stood up with tears buliding in his eyes.

All his years of being buillied were coming back to him.

It was just as if it all happened yesterday for him.

Chrollo sniffled as he flashed back.

...

"Hahaha Bible reading FAG!"

"Look at the AHOge on his head! What an AHO!"

"Fuckweenie Stinky Stinky butt bible-reading bookworm!"

The chants of the schoolyard bullies again.

Chrollo had just exited from the library and he did regret it.

To hear the bullies mock him.

"It's them again..." Chrollo said in a sad shouta voice.

He was carrying books, but they weren't his books. The bullies noticed that too.

"WOW! '101 Ways to Do Makeup With Only Blush?'" one of the bullies asked as they snatched a book from Chrollo.

The other bullies did the same as they circled him.

Chrollo had all books on makeup and fashion.

"Hahaha He really is stupid!!"

Chrollo frowned. He was actually holding books for a girl.

Speaking of said girl, where was she?

"can i have my books back?" Chrollo asked weakly.

"Huh? What was that??"

"You want your books back?" asked a fat asssssss who looked like Tonpa Tom Jr.

Chrollo nodded and smiled.

"Sure, you can have your books back." 

So then like they threw the books at chrolley and gave him a wedgie and Chorloolo cried.

"It's not fair! They always do this to me! Life treats me so unfairly!" Chrollo said in between sobs as the bullies ran away laughing.

"God, why must you treat me this way? I am always good to others." Chrollo then added, 

"But I did punch grand ma so eh."

But he cried anyway.

Then a girl showed up.

She was actually the most popular slut in the school. She slept with everyone even tho she was lieke 13.

"OH Here ARE my BOOKs." She said in an obnoxious voice and tone.

"Thanks for Holding THeM DWEEB!" She then snatched the books from Chrollo and smacked him.

"YUCK! He GOT my HANDs DIrtY!" She cried.

Then she sluttily walked away laughing.

Chrollo dried his tears on his Pedo Bear T-shirt.

"Well... School's out. Off to church I go..." he said in a hushed voice.

He had no home, for he was an orphan. The old ladies at the church treated him as if he was their own grandson, though.

He also loved Jesus. And pot-luck dinners.

"Just one day.... One day I'll show all of you...!" Chrollo said as his fists trembled as he walked off to church.

"One day...."

...

Kurapika had been staring at Chrollo for the past 10 minutes because he was flashbacking, very mporntant.

Chrololei was crying kinda.

"AND THEN ONCE I MASTERED MY NEN, I KILLED THEM ALL. YES, ALL OF THEM!" he suddenly yelled to nobody in particular.

Either that or Kurapika didn't care enough.

"Yes, it was the day I went back to the school. I was old enough that I was going to go to highschooel soon but I knew I had to do it..." he continued,

"I-" Chrollo started but was cut off by Kurarpickt.

"Ah brb one second gotta piss." Kurapika said, running off to piss.

Chrollo was dragged to the urinals cause the chain is still in him asshole.

So Kurapika took a piss.

Chrolley also gasped when he saw Kurapika's wiener!

"OH MY GOD ITS SO TINY!!!" he screamed.

Everyone in the gay bar could hear it.

"....." Kurapika was pissed (no pun intended) but also embarrassed.

"EXCUSE ME?"

Oh boy.

...

Meanwhile, Kite was wandering around the endleless realm, that is, Wal-Mart.

He was searching, or at least trying to search, for the answer in his heart.

It had been bothering him for quite some time. Especially after Zushi quickscopped that scrub.

"What could it be?" Kite asked the condom with the hole in it.

The comdom didnd't answer.

Because Condoms don't talk.

haha.

So Kite continued on.

He coontinued on....

That is, until he caught sight of something.

Something covered in sparkles.

And topped with a Twilight Spakrlek toy.

"Wh-What is this...?" he asked.

It looked 2 BIG to be stuffed animal or something.

Was it a hobo?

Kite quickly rubbed some of the spakrarkles off the strange object hidden under the cltohing rack.

He gasped!

"THis... This is..."

...

TO BE CONTINUEUED????!

**Author's Note:**

> I will probably add more chapters. LOLLLOL.


End file.
